“Brethren, treat your wives with love and respect and kindness. And, wives, you treat your husbands with love and respect and kindness” (Gordon B. Hinckley, Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [1997], 209)

“Under the gospel plan marriage is a companionship, with equality between the partners. We walk side by side with respect, appreciation, and love one for another. There can be nothing of inferiority or superiority between the husband and wife in the plan of the Lord” (Hinckley, Teachings, 322)

“I believe in the family where there is a husband who regards his companion as his greatest asset and treats her accordingly; where there is a wife who looks upon her husband as her anchor and strength, her comfort and security; where there are children who look to mother and father with respect and gratitude; where there are parents who look upon those children as blessings and find a great and serious and wonderful challenge in their nurture and rearing. The cultivation of such a home requires effort and energy, forgiveness and patience, love and endurance and sacrifice; but it is worth all of these and more” (“This I Believe,” in Brigham Young University 1991–92 Devotional and Fireside Speeches [1992], 80)

“If husbands and wives would only give greater emphasis to the virtues that are to be found in one another and less to the faults, there would be fewer broken hearts, fewer tears, fewer divorces, and much more happiness in the homes of our people” (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, 322)

Disagreements and irritations are common in marriage. Some of these come from differences in upbringing, preferences, or expectations. Making adjustments is a normal part of married life. There may be times when the counsel of a priesthood leader can help in overcoming differences.

Kinds of Abuse.
“Spiritual abuse includes exercising unrighteous control, dominion, or compulsion.

“Emotional abuse includes name calling, demeaning statements, threats, isolation, intimidation, or manipulation.

‍Physical abuse includes coercion, withholding resources, and physical violence such as pushing, choking, scratching, pinching, restraining, or hitting.

“Sexual abuse may be either emotional or physical and includes sexual harassment, inflicting pain during sexual intimacy, and the use of force or intimidation to make a spouse perform a sexual act” (Responding to Abuse: Helps for Ecclesiastical Leaders [1995], 4.)

“If a man does not control his temper, … he then becomes a victim of his own passions and emotions, which lead him to actions that are totally unfit for civilized behavior” (Ezra Taft Benson, student manual, 3)

“Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, … spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride” (Ezra Taft Benson, student manual, 3–4)

“The exploitation of children, or the abuse of one’s spouse, for the satisfaction of sadistic desires is sin of the darkest hue” (Gordon B. Hinckley, student manual, 4)

“The beginnings of both spouse and child abuse can be found in seemingly insignificant things, such as belittling the abilities and competency of another, constantly criticizing, being insulting or calling names, refusing to communicate, manipulating, causing guilt feelings, repeatedly making and breaking promises, intimidating, threatening physical harm, making unfounded accusations, or destroying property.

“Some have offended unknowingly. Others may not understand the far-reaching consequences of their behavior. However, when there is abuse, every member of a family, particularly the father and mother, must be willing to reconsider their individual relationships with other family members. In some cases simply realizing that behavior is damaging to someone else may be enough to cause an offender to change” (Preventing and Responding to Spouse Abuse [pamphlet, 1997], 3)

“When you love your wife with all your heart, you cannot demean her, criticize her, find fault with her, nor abuse her by words, sullen behavior, or actions” (Ezra Taft Benson, student manual, 3)

“When there is recognition of equality between the husband and the wife … , then there will follow a greater sense of responsibility to nurture, to help, to love with an enduring love those for whom we are responsible” (Gordon B. Hinckley, student manual, 3)

“There must be self-discipline that constrains against abuse of wife and children” (Gordon B. Hinckley, student manual, 4)

“Nobody ever abused anybody else when he had the spirit of the Lord” (George Albert Smith, in Howard W. Hunter, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 69; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51; student manual, 208)

“A priesthood holder is to be patient. Patience is another form of self-control” (Ezra Taft Benson, in Conference Report, Oct. 1986, 62; or Ensign, Nov. 1986, 47; student manual, 4)

“There must be self-discipline that constrains against abuse of wife and children and self. There must be the Spirit of God, invited and worked for, nurtured and strengthened” (Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 97; or Ensign, May 1991, 74; student manual, 4, 177)

“Emancipation is possible. God can heal us, if we will submit to him” (Neal A. Maxwell, “Not My Will, But Thine” [1988], 63; or student manual, 4)

“Unfortunately a few of you may be married to men who are abusive. Some of them put on a fine face before the world during the day and come home in the evening, set aside their self-discipline, and on the slightest provocation fly into outbursts of anger. (President Gordon B. Hinckley:, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 91–92; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 68; student manual, 358)

“No man who engages in such evil and unbecoming behavior is worthy of the priesthood of God. No man who so conducts himself is worthy of the privileges of the house of the Lord. I regret that there are some men undeserving of the love of their wives and children. There are children who fear their fathers, and wives who fear their husbands. If there be any such men within the hearing of my voice, as a servant of the Lord I rebuke you and call you to repentance. Discipline yourselves. Master your temper. Most of the things that make you angry are of very small consequence. And what a terrible price you are paying for your anger. Ask the Lord to forgive you. Ask your wife to forgive you. Apologize to your children” (President Gordon B. Hinckley:, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 91–92; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 68; student manual, 358)

41. No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—

43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
(D&C 121:41–43)

“Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed. Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage. Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed. (President Howard W. Hunter, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 67; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 50)

One who does not control his thoughts and thus commits adultery in his heart, if he does not repent, shall not have the Spirit but shall deny the faith and shall fear (see D&C 42:23; 63:16)” (President Howard W. Hunter, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 67; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 50)

And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents not he shall be cast out. (D&C 42:23)

And verily I say unto you, as I have said before, he that looketh on a woman to lust after her, or if any shall commit adultery in their hearts, they shall not have the Spirit, but shall deny the faith and shall fear. (D&C 63:16)

“The Lord has proclaimed that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and is intended to be an eternal relationship bonded by trust and fidelity. Latter-day Saints, of all people, should marry with this sacred objective in mind” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Apr. 1987, 58; or Ensign, May 1987, 47)

Be worthy of trust even in trivial questions and observations. Weighty questions and observations will only follow if we have been trustworthy with the trivial. (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Apr. 1976, 81–82; or Ensign, May 1976, 54)

Treat innermost trusts and concerns with respect. (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Apr. 1976, 81–82; or Ensign, May 1976, 54)

Build on deserved trust. (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Apr. 1976, 81–82; or Ensign, May 1976, 54)

Individuals who are blessed to have a relationship with someone to whom they can confidently talk and trust are fortunate indeed. Who is to say a family trust is not greater than a community trust?” (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Apr. 1976, 81–82; or Ensign, May 1976, 54)

“Fidelity to one’s marriage vows is absolutely essential for love, trust, and peace. Adultery is unequivocally condemned by the Lord. (Elder Ezra Taft Benson, “Salvation—A Family Affair,” Ensign, July 1992, 2; or Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 85; Ensign, Nov. 1982, 59)

“Husbands and wives who love each other will find that love and loyalty are reciprocated. This love will provide a nurturing atmosphere for the emotional growth of children. Family life should be a time of happiness and joy that children can look back on with fond memories and associations” (Elder Ezra Taft Benson, “Salvation—A Family Affair,” Ensign, July 1992, 2; or Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 85; Ensign, Nov. 1982, 59)

“No nation, no civilization can long endure without strength in the homes of its people. That strength derives from the integrity of those who establish those homes. (Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Oct. 1970, 66)

“No family can have peace, no home can be free from storms of adversity unless that family and that home are built on foundations of morality, fidelity, and mutual respect. (Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Oct. 1970, 66)

There cannot be peace where there is not trust; there cannot be freedom where there is not loyalty. The warm sunlight of love will not rise out of a swamp of immorality” (Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Oct. 1970, 66)

“Was there ever adultery without dishonesty? (Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Apr. 1976, 92; or Ensign, May 1976, 61)

In the vernacular, the evil is described as ‘cheating.’ And cheating it is, for it robs virtue, it robs loyalty, it robs sacred promises, it robs self-respect, it robs truth. It involves deception. It is personal dishonesty of the worst kind, for it becomes a betrayal of the most sacred of human relationships, and a denial of covenants and promises entered into before God and man. It is the sordid violation of a trust. It is a selfish casting aside of the law of God, and like other forms of dishonesty its fruits are sorrow, bitterness, heartbroken companions, and betrayed children” (Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Apr. 1976, 92; or Ensign, May 1976, 61)

“Complete trust in each other is one of the greatest enriching factors in marriage. Nothing devastates the core of mutual trust necessary to maintain a fulfilling relationship like infidelity.  (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 13–14; or Ensign, Nov. 1977, 10).

There is never a justification for adultery.  (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 13–14; or Ensign, Nov. 1977, 10).

Despite this destructive experience, occasionally marriages are saved and families preserved. To do so requires the aggrieved party to be capable of giving unreserved love great enough to forgive and forget. It requires the errant party to want desperately to repent and actually forsake evil.  (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 13–14; or Ensign, Nov. 1977, 10).

“Our loyalty to our eternal companion should not be merely physical, but mental and spiritual as well.  (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 13–14; or Ensign, Nov. 1977, 10).

Since there are no harmless flirtations and no place for jealousy after marriage, it is best to avoid the very appearance of evil by shunning any questionable contact with another to whom we are not married” (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 13–14; or Ensign, Nov. 1977, 10).

“Love is like a flower, and, like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness” (President Spencer W. Kimball,, “Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 5)

Husbands and wives must continue to court one another and nurture their friendship throughout their lives. As they do this, they will find that their love for each other grows stronger.

“Friendship is … a vital and wonderful part of courtship and marriage. A relationship between a man and a woman that begins with friendship and then ripens into romance and eventually marriage will usually become an enduring, eternal friendship. Nothing is more inspiring in today’s world of easily dissolved marriages than to observe a husband and wife quietly appreciating and enjoying each other’s friendship year in and year out as they experience together the blessings and trials of mortality” (Elder Marlin K. Jensen, in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 81; or Ensign, May 1999, 64)

one of the less obvious but more significant reasons for divorce is “the lack of a constant enrichment in marriage, … an absence of that something extra which makes it precious, special, and wonderful, when it is also drudgery, difficult, and dull.” “In the enriching of marriage the big things are the little things. It is a constant appreciation for each other and a thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. It is the encouraging and the helping of each other to grow. Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine” (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 13–14; or Ensign, Nov. 1977, 10–11)

Husbands and wives need to plan time to be alone together.

“Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do things together—just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling” (Elder Joe J. Christensen, in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 86; or Ensign, May 1995, 65)

“Within the enduring covenant of marriage, the Lord permits husband and wife the expression of the sacred procreative powers in all their loveliness and beauty within the bounds He has set. One purpose of this private, sacred, intimate experience is to provide the physical bodies for the spirits Father in Heaven wants to experience mortality. Another reason for these powerful and beautiful feelings of love is to bind husband and wife together in loyalty, fidelity, consideration of each other, and common purpose” (Elder Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 50; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 38)

“The power to create mortal life is the most exalted power God has given his children. Its use was mandated in the first commandment [given to Adam and Eve], but another important commandment was given to forbid its misuse. The emphasis we place on the law of chastity is explained by our understanding of the purpose of our procreative powers in the accomplishment of God’s plan. The expression of our procreative powers is pleasing to God, but he has commanded that this be confined within the relationship of marriage” (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 99; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 74)

“In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 311)

23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. [Genesis 2:23–24]

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “Human intimacy is reserved for a married couple because it is the ultimate symbol of total union, a totality and a union ordained and defined by God. From the Garden of Eden onward, marriage was intended to mean the complete merger of a man and a woman—their hearts, hopes, lives, love, family, future, everything. Adam said of Eve that she was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh, and that they were to be ‘one flesh’ in their life together [see Genesis 2:23–24] (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, in Conference Report, Oct. 1998, 100; or Ensign, Nov. 1998, 76)

This is a union of such completeness that we use the word seal to convey its eternal promise. The Prophet Joseph Smith once said we perhaps could render such a sacred bond as being ‘welded’ one to another [see D&C 128:18]” (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, in Conference Report, Oct. 1998, 100; or Ensign, Nov. 1998, 76)

“Tenderness and respect—never selfishness—must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord” (President Howard W. Hunter, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 68; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51)

14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.
(Exodus 20:14, 17)

“We believe in chastity before marriage and total fidelity after marriage. That sums it up. That is the way to happiness in living. That is the way to satisfaction. It brings peace to the heart and peace to the home” (President Gordon B. Hinckley,, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 68; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 49)

Husbands and wives should be careful not to do anything that even approaches infidelity. For example, they must always maintain appropriate emotional and physical boundaries between themselves and coworkers of the opposite sex.

“Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed. Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage. Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed” (President Howard W. Hunter, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 67; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 50)

“If you are married, avoid flirtations of any kind. … What may appear to be harmless teasing or simply having a little fun with someone of the opposite sex can easily lead to more serious involvement and eventual infidelity. A good question to ask ourselves is this: Would my spouse be pleased if he or she knew I was doing this? Would a wife be pleased to know that her husband lunches alone with his secretary? Would a husband be pleased if he saw his wife flirting and being coy with another man? My beloved brothers and sisters, this is what Paul meant when he said: ‘Abstain from all appearance of evil’ (1 Thessalonians 5:22)” (President Ezra Taft Benson, “The Law of Chastity,” in Brigham Young University 1987–88 Devotional and Fireside Speeches [1988], 52).

Abstain from all appearance of evil
(1 Thessalonians 5:22)

34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
(John 13:34–35)

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
(Ephesians 5:25)

Although a married couple’s physical relationship is important, it is not the most important aspect of their love.

“[Love in marriage] is deep, inclusive, comprehensive. It is not like that association of the world which is misnamed love, but which is mostly physical attraction. When marriage is based on this only, the parties soon tire of one another. … The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but spiritual attraction as well. It is faith and confidence in, and understanding of, one another. It is a total partnership. It is companionship with common ideals and standards. It is unselfishness toward and sacrifice for one another. It is cleanliness of thought and action and faith in God and his program. It is parenthood in mortality ever looking toward godhood and creationship, and parenthood of spirits. It is vast, all-inclusive, and limitless. This kind of love never tires or wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity” (President Spencer W. Kimball:, Faith Precedes the Miracle [1972], 130–31)

45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.
(Moroni 7:45–48)

Other than the commitment to love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and come unto them, the commitment of marriage—especially eternal marriage—is the most important commitment we ever make. Husbands and wives must work continually to develop charity toward one another.

“When the Prophet Joseph Smith turned the key for the emancipation of womankind, it was turned for all the world, and from generation to generation the number of women who can enjoy the blessings of religious liberty and civil liberty has been increasing” (President George Albert Smith, “Address to the Members of the Relief Society,” Relief Society Magazine, Dec. 1945, 717)

Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.
(1 Corinthians 11:11)

“Our roles and assignments differ. These are eternal differences—with women being given many tremendous responsibilities of motherhood and sisterhood and men being given the tremendous responsibilities of fatherhood and the priesthood—but the man is not without the woman nor the woman without the man in the Lord (see 1 Cor. 11:11)... (President Spencer W. Kimball, “The Role of Righteous Women,” Ensign, Nov. 1979, 102)

“Even though the eternal roles of men and women differ, … this leaves much to be done by way of parallel personal development—for both men and women” (President Spencer W. Kimball, “The Role of Righteous Women,” Ensign, Nov. 1979, 102)

“We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners in that eternal assignment! Please be a contributing and full partner” (President Spencer W. Kimball, “Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, Nov. 1978, 106)

“A man who holds the priesthood accepts his wife as a partner in the leadership of the home and family with full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating thereto. … The Lord intended that the wife be a help-meet for man (meet means equal)—that is, a companion equal and necessary in full partnership” (President Howard W. Hunter, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 68; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 50–51)

“I see my own companion of fifty-two years. Is her contribution less acceptable before the Lord than is mine? I am satisfied it is not. She has walked quietly at my side, sustained me in my responsibilities, reared and blessed our children, served in many capacities in the Church, and spread an unmitigated measure of cheer and goodness wherever she has gone. The older I grow the more I appreciate—yes, the more I love—this little woman with whom I knelt at the altar in the house of the Lord more than half a century ago” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Rise to the Stature of the Divine within You,” Ensign, Nov. 1989, 97)

“In the Church there is a distinct line of authority. We serve where called by those who preside over us.

“In the home it is a partnership with husband and wife equally yoked together, sharing in decisions, always working together. While the husband, the father, has responsibility to provide worthy and inspired leadership, his wife is neither behind him nor ahead of him but at his side” (President Boyd K. Packer, in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 96; or Ensign, May 1998, 73)

“Where spiritual things are concerned, as pertaining to all of the gifts of the Spirit, with reference to the receipt of revelation, the gaining of testimonies, and the seeing of visions, in all matters that pertain to godliness and holiness and which are brought to pass as a result of personal righteousness—in all these things men and women stand in a position of absolute equality before the Lord” (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, “Our Sisters from the Beginning,” Ensign, Jan. 1979, 61)

“The Lord never sends apostles and prophets and righteous men to minister to his people without placing women of like spiritual stature at their sides. … The exaltation of the one is dependent upon that of the other” (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 3:302)

“Your wife is your partner in the leadership of the family and should have full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating to your home” (Elder Boyd K. Packer, in Conference Report, Apr. 1994, 26; or Ensign, May 1994, 21)

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
(Proverbs 31:28)

“How should those who bear the priesthood treat their wives and the other women in their family? Our wives need to be cherished. They need to hear their husbands call them blessed, and the children need to hear their fathers generously praise their mothers (see Proverbs 31:28) (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 54; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 38–39)

The Lord values his daughters just as much as he does his sons. In marriage, neither is superior; each has a different primary and divine responsibility. Chief among these different responsibilities for wives is the calling of motherhood. I firmly believe that our dear faithful sisters enjoy a special spiritual enrichment which is inherent in their natures” (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 54; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 38–39)

“Both fathers and mothers do many intrinsically different things for their children. Both mothers and fathers are equipped to nurture children, but their approaches are different. Mothers seem to take a dominant role in preparing children to live within their families, present and future. Fathers seem best equipped to prepare children to function in the environment outside the family” (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 44–45; or Ensign, May 1993, 35)

“We live in a day when there are many political, legal, and social pressures for changes that confuse gender and homogenize the differences between men and women. Our eternal perspective sets us against changes that alter those separate duties and privileges of men and women that are essential to accomplish the great plan of happiness. We do not oppose all changes in the treatment of men and women, since some changes in laws or customs simply correct old wrongs that were never grounded in eternal principles” (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 99; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 73–74)

Sisters “want to be heard and valued and want to make meaningful contributions to the stake or ward and its members that will serve the Lord and help accomplish the mission of the Church. … (Elder M. Russell Ballard, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 103; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 76)

“Brethren, please be sure you are seeking the vital input of the sisters in your council meetings” (Elder M. Russell Ballard, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 103; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 76)

“The status of women is one of the questions of the day. Socially and politically it forces itself upon the attention of the world.

Some … refuse to concede that woman is entitled to the enjoyment of any rights other than those which the whims, fancies or justice, as the case may be, of men may choose to grant her. The reasons which they cannot meet with argument they decry and ridicule; an old refuge for those opposed to correct principles which they are unable to controvert.

Others, again, not only recognize that woman’s status should be improved, but are so radical in their extreme theories that they would set her in antagonism to man, assume for her a separate and opposing existence; and to show how entirely independent she should be would make her adopt the more reprehensible phases of character which men present, and which should be shunned or improved by them instead of being copied by women.

These are two extremes, and between them is the ‘golden mean.’” (Sister Eliza R. Snow, “Woman’s Status,” Woman’s Exponent, 15 July 1872, 29)

And now that my soul might have joy in you, and that my heart might leave this world with gladness because of you, that I might not be brought down with grief and sorrow to the grave, arise from the dust, my sons, and be men, and be determined in one mind and in one heart, united in all things, that ye may not come down into captivity; (2 Nephi 1:21)

And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them. (Moses 7:18)

“A husband and wife must attain righteous unity and oneness in their goals, desires, and actions” (Ezra Taft Benson, “Salvation—A Family Affair,” Ensign, July 1992, 2; or student manual, 283)

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

“Marriage allows [our] different characteristics to come together in oneness—in unity—to bless a husband and wife, their children and grandchildren. (Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 74; student manual, 345)

For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. (Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 74; student manual, 345)

When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one—to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan” (Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 74; student manual, 345)

“Every divorce is the result of selfishness on the part of one or the other or both parties to a marriage contract.” (President Spencer W. Kimball:, "Selfishness", Student Manual, 304)

Selfishness can act as a wedge in marriage. It manifests itself in a variety of ways. (President Spencer W. Kimball:, "Selfishness", Student Manual, 304)

Wedges that affect marriages

President David O. McKay. Hatred, greed, animosity, and envy.

President Spencer W. Kimball. Thinking of our own comforts, conveniences, freedoms, luxuries, or ease; ceaseless pinpricking, physical violence; marrying for the wrong reasons (wealth, prestige, social status, vanity, or to spite someone).

President Gordon B. Hinckley. Selfishness leading to money problems, adultery, lust, greed. Selfishness that destroys self-discipline, loyalty, or covenants.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell. Proud selfishness, lack of intellectual humility, nurturing grievances.
‍

“There are many things which go into making a marriage enriching, but they seem to be of the husk. Having the companionship and enjoying the fruits of a Holy and Divine Presence is the kernel of a great happiness in marriage. Spiritual oneness is the anchor” (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 14; or Ensign, Nov. 1977, 10–11; student manual, 186)

We are more likely to be united when we focus on spiritual oneness and do things that invite the Spirit into our marriage. In so doing we automatically eliminate selfish conduct that can place wedges in our marriage.

Husbands and wives are to “love and care for each other” and “help one another as equal partners.” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)

“In the marriage companionship there is neither inferiority nor superiority. The woman does not walk ahead of the man; neither does the man walk ahead of the woman. They walk side by side as a son and daughter of God on an eternal journey.” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, In Conference Report, Apr. 2002, 64–65; or Ensign, May 2002, 54)

“I am confident that when we stand before the bar of God, there will be little mention of how much wealth we accumulated in life or of any honors which we may have achieved. But there will be searching questions about our domestic relations. And I am convinced that only those who have walked through life with love and respect and appreciation for their companions and children will receive from our eternal judge the words, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant: … enter thou into the joy of thy lord’  (President Gordon B. Hinckley, In Conference Report, Apr. 2002, 64–65; or Ensign, May 2002, 54)

That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. (John 17:21)

Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am. I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine. (Doctrine and Covenants 38:27)

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

“The Savior of the world, Jesus Christ, said of those who would be part of His Church: ‘Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine’ (D&C 38:27). And at the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope; it was a command! ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24). Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.” (Elder Henry B. Eyring, In Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 85; or Ensign, May 1998, 66)

“Our Father knew exactly what He was doing when He created us. He made us enough alike to love each other but enough different that we would need to unite our strengths and stewardships to create a whole. (Sister Sheri Dew, In Conference Report, Oct. 2001, 12; or Ensign, Nov. 2001, 13)

Neither man nor woman is perfect or complete without the other. Thus, no marriage … is likely to reach its full potential until husbands and wives … work together in unity of purpose, respecting and relying upon each other’s strengths.” (Sister Sheri Dew, In Conference Report, Oct. 2001, 12; or Ensign, Nov. 2001, 13)

Research Study of over 20,000 couples:

The difficulty in sharing leadership equally was the greatest stumbling block to marital satisfaction. In contrast, they found that three of the top ten strengths of happy couples related to their ability to share leadership.

93 percent of 21,501 married couples agreed with the statement, “We have problems sharing leadership equally.”

Three of the other top ten stumbling blocks to marital happiness also relate to inequality and lack of unity:
- “My partner is too negative or critical” (83 percent),
- “I always end up feeling responsible for the problem” (81 percent),
- “Our differences never seem to get resolved” (78 percent)

The study revealed that at least three of the top ten strengths of 5153 happy couples related to sharing leadership:
- “We are creative in how we handle our differences” (78 percent),
- “My partner is seldom too controlling” (78 percent),
- “We agree on how to spend money” (89 percent).
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David H. Olson and Amy K. Olson, Empowering Couples: Building on Your Strengths (Minneapolis: Life Innovations, Inc., 2000), 6–9. More information is available at www.prepare-enrich.com. This Web site is not affiliated with the Church, and its inclusion here does not imply endorsement.
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We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.
(Doctrine and Covenants 121:39)

“How tragic and utterly disgusting a phenomenon is wife abuse. Any man in this Church who abuses his wife, who demeans her, who insults her, who exercises unrighteous dominion over her is unworthy to hold the priesthood. Though he may have been ordained, the heavens will withdraw, the Spirit of the Lord will be grieved, and it will be amen to the authority of the priesthood of that man. …

“My brethren, if there be any within the sound of my voice who are guilty of such behavior, I call upon you to repent. Get on your knees and ask the Lord to forgive you. Pray to Him for the power to control your tongue and your heavy hand. Ask for the forgiveness of your wife and your children.” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, In Conference Report, Apr. 2002, 64)

To achieve equality in marriage, husbands and wives may need to change old ways of thinking and behaving, remembering that the joys of unity far outweigh the pains of breaking old habits.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. (John 13:34)

Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am. I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine. (Doctrine and Covenants 38:27)

Couples should “walk side by side with respect, appreciation, and love one for another. There can be nothing of inferiority or superiority between the husband and wife in the plan of the Lord.” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1997), 322)

A man who holds the priesthood accepts his wife as a partner in the leadership of the home and family with full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating thereto. … The Lord intended that the wife be a helpmeet for man (meet means equal)–that is, a companion equal and necessary in full partnership.” (President Howard W. Hunter, In Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 68; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 50–51)

“When there is recognition of equality between the husband and the wife, when there is acknowledgment that each child born into the world is a child of God, then there will follow a greater sense of responsibility to nurture, to help, to love with an enduring love those for whom we are responsible.” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, In Conference Report, Oct. 1998, 93; or Ensign, Nov. 1998, 72)

“Total unselfishness is sure to accomplish another factor in successful marriage. If one [spouse] is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions. … Certainly the foods most vital for love are consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness, concern, expressions of affection, embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith, partnership, equality, and interdependence.” (President Spencer W. Kimball, “Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 5)

41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
(Doctrine and Covenants 121:41–42)

home: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” (“The Family: A Proclamation,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)

“Remember, brethren, that in your role as leader in the family, your wife is your companion. … Since the beginning, God has instructed mankind that marriage should unite husband and wife together in unity (see Genesis 2:24). Therefore, there is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family. They are united together in word, in deed, and in action as they lead, guide, and direct their family unit. They are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward.” (Elder L. Tom Perry, In Conference Report, Apr. 2004, 72; or Ensign, May 2004, 71)

Ordering others around can seem efficient, but it often provokes resentment and resistance, especially among family members. If husbands and wives have any tendency to control others, they can rechannel it and learn to control themselves by controlling what they think, how they act, and what they say.

41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
(Doctrine and Covenants 121:41–42)

Taking charge is useful in some settings, such as in the workplace. Schoolteachers, corporate executives, day-care operators, police officers, and others must take charge to establish order or achieve work-related goals. But taking charge is not the same as controlling others.

Attempts to control others create problems that may take far more effort to resolve than is needed to create good relationships in the first place.

Members of the Church–who have covenanted to follow Jesus Christ–have an obligation to do as He did. The Savior taught others. He was persuasive and long-suffering, not manipulative or controlling.

Thoughts underlie virtually all feelings and behavior.

One way individuals recognize automatic thoughts is for them to ask themselves “why” questions.

Example:
A controlling husband may think, consciously or not, “My wife shouldn’t do anything without my permission, and that includes spending money. She’s not very good at budgeting.”

A controlling wife may think, “If things are to be done correctly, I have to be in charge. I can’t trust anyone else to do it right.”

One way individuals recognize automatic thoughts is for them to ask themselves “why” questions.

Example:
A wife can ask, “Why don’t I want my husband to help balance the checkbook?” An automatic thought may pop into her mind: “If he looks at the checks I write, he’ll criticize me for how I spend money.” Or she may think, “He always makes mistakes, and we can’t afford to make a mistake with our finances.” In some cases, such thoughts may be accurate, but in many cases they are not.

If the wife talks to her husband about her fears, she may discover that the fears are exaggerated and that her husband can be a great help in managing their money.

When spouses talk, they may may discover that their fears are exaggerated and that each other can be a great help.

In a healthy marriage, husband and wife make some decisions independently and some decisions together. They should make decisions together when the outcome affects them both or when it affects others in the family.

Some husbands and wives approach decision making in terms of winning and losing. With a little effort and a willingness to talk, they can make decisions that are acceptable to them both so no one loses.

Husbands and wives often need to change from considering only their individual needs and wants to considering the needs of spouse and children.

Decisions made by each spouse nearly always affect the whole family.

“Before marriage, each individual is quite free to go and come as he pleases, to organize and plan his life as it seems best, to make all decisions with self as the central point. (President Spencer W. Kimball, "“Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 4")

Sweethearts should realize before they take the vows that each must accept literally and fully that the good of the little new family must always be superior to the good of either spouse. Each party must eliminate the ‘I’ and the ‘my’ and substitute therefore ‘we’ and ‘our.’ (President Spencer W. Kimball, "“Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 4")

Every decision must take into consideration that there are two or more affected by it. As she approaches major decisions now, the wife will be concerned as to the effect they will have upon the parents, the children, the home, and their spiritual lives. The husband’s choice of occupation, his social life, his friends, his every interest must now be considered in the light that he is only a part of a family, that the totalness of the group must be considered.” (President Spencer W. Kimball, "“Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 4")

For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.
(3 Nephi 11:29)

unifies: “Where people have that Spirit [the Holy Ghost] with them, we may expect harmony. The Spirit puts the testimony of truth in our hearts, which unifies those who share that testimony. (Elder Henry B.Eyring, In Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 86)

The Spirit of God never generates contention (see 3 Nephi 11:29).” (Elder Henry B.Eyring, In Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 86)

As husbands and wives interact with patience, gentleness, meekness, love, kindness, and knowledge, they will have the companionship of the Holy Ghost, which will unite them and make them one in purpose and in effort. This influence will help them make wise and appropriate decisions.

As husbands and wives make decisions together, they gain confidence that on occasions when an individual must decide alone, the decision will more likely represent the spouse’s views as well as the individual’s view.

In a healthy marriage, a husband and a wife sometimes make decisions independently and sometimes make decisions together. Their decisions can be made in five ways:

- The husband and wife decide together.
- The wife decides after consulting with her husband.
- The husband decides after consulting with his wife.
- Only the wife decides.
- Only the husband decides.

Exercise:
Individually, each spouse should choose from the five possibilities to determine how they think a decision should be made regarding each question. Write down your answers, but don't compare them until you are completed. Please understand, the answers you choose may vary due to individual circumstances.

1. Where should the family live?

2. What job should the husband take?

3. How many hours should the husband work?

4. How many children should the couple have?

5. When should they have children?

6. How and when should they discipline their children?

7. Should the wife work outside the home?

8. What job should the wife take if she works outside the home?

9. If the wife works outside the home, how many hours should she work?

10. What hobbies should the wife pursue?

11. How much time should the couple spend with family and friends?

12. How should they spend their money?

13. What fitness program should the husband participate in to stay in shape?

14. When should the couple buy a new car?

15. How should the husband spend a birthday gift certificate?

16. How much money should the couple donate to the Church or charity?

17. How much time should they spend in Church activities?

18. How should the wife discipline a child when the husband is not at home?

19. How much time should each spouse spend pursuing hobbies or interests?

20. Where and when should the family go on vacation?

21. What math class should the wife sign up for?

22. How should a husband spend a day off from work?

Now, compare your responses. Where they differ, strive to come to an agreement. Did you find either of you wanted more or less involvement in decision-making.

Established ways of thinking and behaving are often difficult to change. Old habits are hard to break, but they can be changed through persistent effort.

Change is more likely to occur when husbands and wives are committed in their efforts to bring about a better relationship.

Good intentions are often short-lived unless couples make a determined effort to continue the new way of relating.

Additional factors that help bring about change include:

- Recognizing the need for change.
- Verbally expressing to the spouse or others a desire to change.
- Making a commitment to the spouse and others on changes to be made.
- Formulating a specific plan, with intermediate steps and goals, to implement positive change in daily life.
- Having a network of support (others who encourage the person in his or her efforts to change).
- Accountability, such as reporting to the spouse, the bishop, or friends on progress toward change.

As husband and wife invest time and energy in fostering unity and equality, they will develop individually and as a couple, and they will bring new life to their marriage. They will also have greater love and respect for each other.

When wives and husbands work together in love and unity as equal partners, the results are synergistic–their combined effort is greater than the sum of individual contributions.

“For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. … When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one–to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan.” (Elder Richard G. Scott, In Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 74)

“The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other.  (President Ezra Taft Benson, In Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 86; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 60)

The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as well as self-development.  (President Ezra Taft Benson, In Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 86; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 60)

Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the greater is our spiritual and emotional growth.” (President Ezra Taft Benson, In Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 86; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 60)

Exercise:
Individually, each spouse should choose from the five possibilities to determine how they think a decision should be made regarding each question. Write down your answers, but don't compare them until you are completed. Please understand, the answers you choose may vary due to individual circumstances.

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Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

“At the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope; it was a command! ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24). Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity” (Elder Henry B. Eyring, in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 85; or Ensign, May 1998, 66)

“Marriage, in its truest sense, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, “I Believe,” Ensign, Aug. 1992, 6)

“It was not meant that the woman alone accommodate herself to the priesthood duties of her husband or her sons. She is of course to sustain and support and encourage them. (Elder Boyd K. Packer, “A Tribute to Women,” Ensign, July 1989, 75)

“Holders of the priesthood, in turn, must accommodate themselves to the needs and responsibilities of the wife and mother. Her physical and emotional and intellectual and cultural well-being and her spiritual development must stand first among [their] priesthood duties. (Elder Boyd K. Packer, “A Tribute to Women,” Ensign, July 1989, 75)

“There is no task, however menial, connected with the care of babies, the nurturing of children, or with the maintenance of the home that is not [a husband’s] equal obligation” (Elder Boyd K. Packer, “A Tribute to Women,” Ensign, July 1989, 75)

“As a husband and worthy priesthood bearer, you will want to emulate the example of the Savior, whose priesthood you hold. You will make giving of self to wife and children a primary focus of your life. (Elder Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 32; or Ensign, May 1999, 26)

Occasionally a man attempts to control the destiny of each family member. He makes all the decisions. His wife is subjected to his personal whims. Whether that is the custom or not is immaterial. It is not the way of the Lord. It is not the way a Latter-day Saint husband treats his wife and family” (Elder Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 32; or Ensign, May 1999, 26)

Examples:
Some things husbands and wives do when they value each other as equal partners.

- They share responsibility for ensuring that the family prays together, conducts family home evening, and studies the scriptures together.

- They work together in planning how family finances are used.

- They consult together and come to agreement on household rules and how to discipline children. The children see that their parents are unified in such decisions.

- They plan family activities together.

- They both help with housekeeping responsibilities.

- They attend church together.

Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.
(1 Corinthians 11:11)

“In the Lord’s plan, it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole. … (Elder Richard G. Scott:, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 73–74)

For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one—to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan” (Elder Richard G. Scott:, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 73–74)

“We loved each other; there was no doubt about that, but we also had to get used to each other. I think every couple has to get used to each other. Early on I realized it would be better if we worked harder to get used to each other than constantly try to change each other” (Sister Marjorie P. Hinckley, Church News, 26 Sept. 1998, 4)

“Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. Make it work. Resolve to make it work. There is far too much of divorce, wherein hearts are broken and sometimes lives are destroyed. Be fiercely loyal one to another” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, Feb. 1999, 2, 4)

Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else. (D&C 42:22)

“The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse” (President Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle [1972], 143)

Example:
Here are some specific ways in which couples can show loyalty to one another:

- A husband can reschedule work, recreation, or other appointments to celebrate his wife’s birthday.

- A wife can pray daily for the success of her husband in his activities.

- They can listen to each other, even when doing so may not be convenient.

- They can speak lovingly and respectfully about each other in conversations with family members and friends.

The Lord and His prophets have commanded husbands and wives to be unified in love and to work together as equal partners.

Husbands and wives can show their loyalty to each other every day through their thoughts, words, and actions.

“A husband and wife must attain righteous unity and oneness in their goals, desires, and actions” (Elder Ezra Taft Benson, “Salvation—A Family Affair,” Ensign, July 1992, 2; or Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 85; Ensign, Nov. 1982, 59).

“I couldn’t help thinking of the words of Paul as he admonished the Church to serve in unity and purpose, and as he taught that all parts must function for the good of the whole. So it is in a marriage and in a family that we must function together” (Sister Barbara Winder, in Conference Report, Apr. 1984, 79; or Ensign, May 1984, 59).

But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. (3 Nephi 13:33.)

“There is but one way that we can be united, and that way is to seek the Lord and his righteousness. (President Marion G. Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1983, 21–22; or Ensign, May 1983, 17)

Unity comes by following the light from above. It does not come out of the confusions below. (President Marion G. Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1983, 21–22; or Ensign, May 1983, 17)

While men depend upon their own wisdom and walk in their own way, without the guidance of the Lord they cannot live in unity. Neither can they come to unity by following uninspired men.  (President Marion G. Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1983, 21–22; or Ensign, May 1983, 17)

“The way to unity is for us to learn the will of the Lord and then to do it. Until this basic principle is understood and observed, there will be no unity and peace on the earth” (President Marion G. Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1983, 21–22; or Ensign, May 1983, 17)

“We see the unity that comes from a faith in God and a desire to build His kingdom. And we see the dissension that results when the hearts of the people turn to selfish wants and desires, to the pleasures of the flesh, to riches and worldly possessions” (Elder L. Tom Perry, in Conference Report, Apr. 1987, 39; or Ensign, May 1987, 33)

“Our unity comes from full agreement with righteous principles and general response to the operation of the Spirit of God” (Elder James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 53; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 38)

“This unity of heart and mind is manifest in sincere expressions of ‘I appreciate you’ and ‘I am proud of you.’ Such domestic harmony results from forgiving and forgetting, essential elements of a maturing marriage relationship. Someone has said that we should keep our eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterward (Magdeleine de Scudéry, in John P. Bradley, et al., comp., The International Dictionary of Thoughts [Chicago: J. G. Ferguson Publishing Co., 1969], p. 472, Quoted by Elder James E. Faust in conference Report, April 1993)

True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day” (Elder James E. Faust, Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 46; or Ensign, May 1993, 36)

“I believe we must constantly nourish the seeds of love, harmony, and unity in our homes and families. Fathers are to preside over their families in kindness, remembering that ‘no power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned’ (D&C 121:41) (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, in Conference Report, Apr. 1989, 8; or Ensign, May 1989, 8)

Husbands and wives are to love each other with a pure love that transcends selfishness” (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, in Conference Report, Apr. 1989, 8; or Ensign, May 1989, 8)

“Within each of us there is an intense need to feel that we belong. This feeling of unity and togetherness comes through the warmth of a smile, a handshake, or a hug, through laughter and unspoken demonstrations of love. It comes in the quiet, reverent moments of soft conversation, and in listening. It comes from a still, small voice reminding us that we are brothers and sisters, the children of a Heavenly Father” (Elder William R. Bradford, in Conference Report, Oct. 1987, 91–92; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, 75–76)

“An essential part of unity is loyalty. There can be no union where loyalty does not exist. President J. Reuben Clark Jr., in Conference Report, Apr. 1950, 180)

Loyalty is a pretty difficult quality to possess. It requires the ability to put away selfishness, greed, ambition and all of the baser qualities of the human mind. You cannot be loyal unless you are willing to surrender. President J. Reuben Clark Jr., in Conference Report, Apr. 1950, 180)

There is no growth, mental, physical or spiritual, unless there be some curtailment, some sacrifice may I say, on the part of him who would be loyal. His own preferences and desires must be put away, and he must see only the great purpose which lies out ahead” (President J. Reuben Clark Jr., in Conference Report, Apr. 1950, 180)

“May our gracious and kind Heavenly Father help us in our needs and desires for more effective family communication. Communication can help build family unity if we will work at it and sacrifice for it.” (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Apr. 1976, 82; or Ensign, May 1976, 54).

“To have a time when the family meets at the kitchen table may take considerable adjustment and careful planning, but what could be of more importance to the unity of the family, the spiritual growth of the family, the bridges built between members of a family as they talk, listen, and respond, surrounded by love? Our major success is simply trying—over and over” (Elder LeGrand R. Curtis, in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 110; or Ensign, May 1995, 83).

“A child has a right to feel that in his home he has a place of refuge, a place of protection from the dangers and evils of the outside world. Family unity and integrity are necessary to supply this need” (President David O. McKay, in Conference Report, Apr. 1965, 7)

There is little we cannot accomplish if we will go forward with united hearts to do so” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Oct. 1988, 59; or Ensign, Nov. 1988, 48)

“Marriage allows these different characteristics to come together in oneness—in unity—to bless a husband and wife, their children and grandchildren. (Elder Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 74)

For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. (Elder Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 74)

When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one—to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan” (Elder Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 74)

“The Savior of the world, Jesus Christ, said of those who would be part of His Church: ‘Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine’ (D&C 38:27) (Elder Henry B. Eyring, in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 85–86; or Ensign, May 1998, 66).

And at the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope; it was a command! ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24) (Elder Henry B. Eyring, in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 85–86; or Ensign, May 1998, 66).

Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity. … (Elder Henry B. Eyring, in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 85–86; or Ensign, May 1998, 66).

“The Savior of the world spoke of that unity and how we will have our natures changed to make it possible. He taught it clearly in the prayer He gave in His last meeting with His Apostles before His death.

18. As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world.
19. And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
20. Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;
21. That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me’ (John 17:18–21).

“In those few words He made clear how the gospel of Jesus Christ can allow hearts to be made one. Those who would believe the truth He taught could accept the ordinances and the covenants offered by His authorized servants. Then, through obedience to those ordinances and covenants, their natures would be changed. The Savior’s Atonement in that way makes it possible for us to be sanctified. We can then live in unity, as we must to have peace in this life and to dwell with the Father and His Son in eternity” (Elder Henry B. Eyring, in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 85–86; or Ensign, May 1998, 66).

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” (Matthew 6:24)

35. “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? …

39. “Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
(Romans 8:35,39)

“Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” (Romans 13:10)

5. “And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. …

25. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; …

33. “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
(Ephesians 5:2,25,33)

22. “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.

23. “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents not he shall be cast out.”
(Doctrine and Covenants 42:22–23)

“‘Well,’ you may ask, ‘how may I know when I am in love?’“… George Q. Morris [who later became a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, gave this reply]: ‘My mother once said that if you meet a girl in whose presence you feel a desire to achieve, who inspires you to do your best, and to make the most of yourself, such a young woman is worthy of your love and is awakening love in your heart.’

“I submit that … as a true guide. In the presence of the girl you truly love you do not feel to grovel; in her presence you do not attempt to take advantage of her; in her presence you feel that you would like to be everything that a Master Man should become, for she will inspire you to that ideal. And I ask you young women to cherish that same guide” (President David O. McKay, “As Youth Contemplates an Eternal Partnership,” Improvement Era, Mar. 1938, 139)

“Love is the foundation of marriage, but love itself is a product of law and lives by law. True love is law-abiding, for the highest satisfactions come to a law-abiding life. … (Elder John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, 297, 299, 302)

“… Marriage that lasts only during earth life is a sad one, for the love established between man and woman, as they live together and rear their family, should not die, but live and grow richer with the eternal years. (Elder John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, 297, 299, 302)

True love hopes and prays for an endless continuation of association with the loved one. (Elder John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, 297, 299, 302)

To those who are sealed to each other for all existence, love is ever warm, more hopeful, believing, courageous, and fearless. Such people live the richer, more joyful life. To them happiness and the making of it have no end. … (Elder John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, 297, 299, 302)

“Above physical charm, love is begotten by qualities, often subtle, of mind and spirit. (Elder John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, 297, 299, 302)

The beautiful face may hide an empty mind; the sweet voice may utter coarse words; the lovely form may be ill-mannered; the woman of radiant beauty and the man of kingly form may be intolerable bores on nearer acquaintanceship; or, the person who looks attractive may really have no faults, may excel us in knowledge and courtesy, yet he is not of our kind, his ways are not ours. Under either condition, love wilts in its first stage. (Elder John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, 297, 299, 302)

‘Falling in love’ is always from within, rather than from without. That is, physical attractiveness must be reinforced with mental and spiritual harmony if true love is to be born and have long life—from the Latter-day Saint point of view, to last throughout the eternities” (Elder John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, 297, 299, 302)

“What is love? Many people think of it as mere physical attraction and they casually speak of ‘falling in love’ and ‘love at first sight.’ This may be Hollywood’s version and the interpretation of those who write love songs and love fiction. True love is not wrapped in such flimsy material. (Elder Spencer W. Kimball, Love versus Lust, 18)

One might become immediately attracted to another individual, but love is far more than physical attraction. It is deep, inclusive and comprehensive. Physical attraction is only one of the many elements, but there must be faith and confidence and understanding and partnership. There must be common ideals and standards. There must be a great devotion and companionship. (Elder Spencer W. Kimball, Love versus Lust, 18)

Love is cleanliness and progress and sacrifice and selflessness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes, but lives through sickness and sorrow, poverty and privation, accomplishment and disappointment, time and eternity” (Elder Spencer W. Kimball, Love versus Lust, 18)

“May I quickly suggest four cornerstones upon which to build that house? There are others, but I choose to emphasize these. …

“The first of these I call Respect for One Another, the kind of respect that regards one’s companion as the most precious friend on earth and not as a possession or a chattel to be forced or compelled to suit one’s selfish whims. Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Apr. 1971, 81–82; or Ensign, June 1971, 71)

“Pearl Buck has observed, ‘Love cannot be forced. … It comes out of heaven, unasked and unsought.’ (The Treasure Chest, p. 165.) Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Apr. 1971, 81–82; or Ensign, June 1971, 71)

“This respect comes of recognition that each of us is a son or daughter of God, endowed with something of his divine nature, that each is an individual entitled to expression and cultivation of individual talents and deserving of forbearance, of patience, of understanding, of courtesy, of thoughtful consideration. Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Apr. 1971, 81–82; or Ensign, June 1971, 71)

True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one’s companion” (Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Apr. 1971, 81–82; or Ensign, June 1971, 71)

“The world is filled with too many of us who are inclined to indicate our love with an announcement or declaration. (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Oct. 1975, 160, 163; or Ensign, Nov. 1975, 108, 110)

“True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time. (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Oct. 1975, 160, 163; or Ensign, Nov. 1975, 108, 110)

Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love.  (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Oct. 1975, 160, 163; or Ensign, Nov. 1975, 108, 110)

How hollow, how empty if our love is no deeper than the arousal of momentary feeling or the expression in words of what is no more lasting than the time it takes to speak them. … (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Oct. 1975, 160, 163; or Ensign, Nov. 1975, 108, 110)

“We must at regular and appropriate intervals speak and reassure others of our love and the long time it takes to prove it by our actions. (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Oct. 1975, 160, 163; or Ensign, Nov. 1975, 108, 110)

Real love does take time. The Great Shepherd had the same thoughts in mind when he taught, ‘If ye love me, keep my commandments’ (John 14:15; italics added) and ‘If ye love me feed my sheep’ (John 21:16; italics added). Love demands action if it is to be continuing. Love is a process. Love is not a declaration. Love is not an announcement. Love is not a passing fancy. Love is not an expediency. Love is not a convenience. ‘If ye love me, keep my commandments’ and ‘If ye love me feed my sheep’ are God-given proclamations that should remind us we can often best show our love through the processes of feeding and keeping. (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Oct. 1975, 160, 163; or Ensign, Nov. 1975, 108, 110)

“Love of God takes time. Love of family takes time. Love of country takes time. Love of neighbor takes time. Love of companion takes time. Love in courtship takes time. Love of self takes time” (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Oct. 1975, 160, 163; or Ensign, Nov. 1975, 108, 110)

“One who loves has and feels responsibility. (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Apr. 1981, 30; or Ensign, May 1981, 23)

1 Corinthians says love thinketh no evil, is not self-seeking, is long-suffering, and is kind. (see 1 Cor. 13:4–5.)

If we look at love between two who are preparing for temple marriage, we see the elements of sacrifice and of serving each other’s best interests, not a shortsighted ‘me’ interest. (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Apr. 1981, 30; or Ensign, May 1981, 23)

True love and happiness in courtship and marriage are based upon honesty, self-respect, sacrifice, consideration, courtesy, kindness, and placing ‘we’ ahead of ‘me.’” (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Apr. 1981, 30; or Ensign, May 1981, 23)

“Perfect love is perfectly patient” (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, 69)

“Unlike our love, Jesus’ love consists of active restraint as well as pressing encouragement. His perfect love of each and all spares Him the need to accept us as we now are, for He knows perfectly what we have the possibility to become” (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Even As I Am, 18)

“Love, as defined by the Lord, elevates, protects, respects, and enriches another. It motivates one to make sacrifices for another” (Elder Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 43; or Ensign, May 1991, 35)

“Be quick to say, ‘I’m sorry.’ As hard as it is to form the words, be swift to say, ‘I apologize, and please forgive me,’ even though you are not the one who is totally at fault. (Elder Joe J. Christensen, in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 86; or Ensign, May 1995, 65)

True love is developed by those who are willing to readily admit personal mistakes and offenses” (Elder Joe J. Christensen, in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 86; or Ensign, May 1995, 65)

“At the hour of sin, pure love is pushed out of one door while lust sneaks in the other. Affection has then been replaced with desire of the flesh and uncontrolled passion. Accepted has been the doctrine which the devil is so eager to establish, that illicit sex relations are justified” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 279)

“If anyone feels that petting or other deviations are demonstrations of love, let him ask himself: ‘If this beautiful body which I have misused suddenly became deformed, or paralyzed, would my reactions be the same? If this lovely face were scarred by flames, or this body which I have used suddenly became rigid, or this keen mind which I have enjoyed were suddenly to become blank, would I be such an ardent lover? If senility or any of its approaches suddenly fell upon my sweetheart, what would my attitudes be?’ Answers to these questions might test one to see if he really is in love or if it is only physical attraction which encouraged the improper physical contacts. The young man who protects his sweetheart against all use or abuse, against insult and infamy from himself or others, could be expressing true love. (Elder Spencer W. Kimball, Love versus Lust, 18–19)

“But the young man who uses his companion as a biological toy to give himself temporary satisfaction—that is lust, and is at the other end of the spectrum from love. (Elder Spencer W. Kimball, Love versus Lust, 18–19)

A young woman conducts herself to be attractive spiritually, mentally and physically but will not by word nor dress nor act stir nor stimulate to physical reactions the companion beside her. That could be true love. That young woman who must touch and stir and fondle and tempt and use knows not love. That is lust and exploitation” (Elder Spencer W. Kimball, Love versus Lust, 18–19)

“The greatest deception foisted upon the human race in our day is that overemphasis of physical gratification as it is related to romantic love. It is merely a repetition of the same delusion that has been impressed on every generation in ages past. (Elder Boyd K. Packer, Eternal Love, 15)

When we learn that physical gratification is only incident to, and not the compelling force of love itself, we have made a supreme discovery. If only physical gratification should interest you, you need not be selective at all. This power is possessed by almost everyone. Alone, without attendant love, this relationship becomes nothing—indeed, less and worse than nothing” (Elder Boyd K. Packer, Eternal Love, 15)

“Satan promotes counterfeit love, which is lust. It is driven by a hunger to appease personal appetite. One who practices this deception cares little for the pain and destruction caused another. While often camouflaged by flattering words, its motivation is self-gratification. You know how to be clean and live a righteous life. We trust you to do it. The Lord will bless you richly and will help you keep clean and pure” (Elder Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 43–44; or Ensign, May 1991, 35)

“The more righteous a people become the more they are qualified for loving others and rendering them happy.  (Elder Orson Pratt, “Celestial Marriage,” The Seer, Oct. 1853, 156).

A wicked man can have but little love for his wife; while a righteous man, being filled with the love of God, is sure to manifest this heavenly attribute in every thought and feeling of his heart, and in every word and deed. Love, joy, and innocence will radiate from his very countenance, and be expressed in every look. This will beget confidence in the wife of his bosom, and she will love him in return; for love begets love; happiness imparts happiness; and these heaven born emotions will continue to increase more and more, until they are perfected and glorified in all the fulness of eternal love itself” (Elder John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, 297).

“True love of man for woman always includes love of God from whom all good things issue” (Elder John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, 297).

“Without a strong commitment to the Lord, an individual is more prone to have a low level of commitment to a spouse. (Elder Russell M. Nelson, in Conference Report, Apr. 1997, 98; or Ensign, May 1997, 72)

Weak commitments to eternal covenants lead to losses of eternal consequence” (Elder Russell M. Nelson, in Conference Report, Apr. 1997, 98; or Ensign, May 1997, 72)

“If a man and his wife were earnestly and faithfully observing all the ordinances and principles of the gospel, there could not arise any cause for divorce. (President Joseph Fielding Smith, in Conference Report, Apr. 1965, 11)

The joy and happiness pertaining to the marriage relationship would grow sweeter, and husband and wife would become more and more attached to each other as the days go by. (President Joseph Fielding Smith, in Conference Report, Apr. 1965, 11)

Not only would the husband love the wife and the wife the husband, but children born to them would live in an atmosphere of love and harmony. The love of each for the others would not be impaired, and moreover the love of all towards our Eternal Father and his Son Jesus Christ would be more firmly rooted in their souls” (President Joseph Fielding Smith, in Conference Report, Apr. 1965, 11)

‘Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else’ (D&C 42:22)

“This kind of love can be shown for your wives in so many ways. First and foremost, nothing except God Himself takes priority over your wife in your life—not work, not recreation, not hobbies. … (President Ezra Taft Benson, in Conference Report, Oct. 1987, 61–62; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, 50)

“What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? It means to love with all your emotional feelings and with all your devotion. … You cannot demean her, criticize her, find fault with her. … (President Ezra Taft Benson, in Conference Report, Oct. 1987, 61–62; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, 50)

“What does it mean to ‘cleave unto her’? It means to stay close to her, to be loyal and faithful to her, to communicate with her, and to express your love for her. (President Ezra Taft Benson, in Conference Report, Oct. 1987, 61–62; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, 50)

“Love means being sensitive to her feelings and needs. … (President Ezra Taft Benson, in Conference Report, Oct. 1987, 61–62; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, 50)

“Husbands, recognize your wife’s intelligence and her ability to counsel with you. … (President Ezra Taft Benson, in Conference Report, Oct. 1987, 61–62; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, 50)

“Give her the opportunity to grow intellectually, emotionally, and socially as well as spiritually. (President Ezra Taft Benson, in Conference Report, Oct. 1987, 61–62; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, 50)

“Remember, brethren, love can be nurtured and nourished by little tokens. Flowers on special occasions are wonderful, but so is your willingness to help with the dishes, change diapers, get up with a crying child in the night, and leave the television or the newspaper to help with the dinner. Those are the quiet ways we say ‘I love you’ with our actions. They bring rich dividends for such little effort” (President Ezra Taft Benson, in Conference Report, Oct. 1987, 61–62; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, 50)

“If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have this great happiness. (Elder Spencer W. Kimball, “Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 5)

When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste—mentally and physically—so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle” (Elder Spencer W. Kimball, “Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 5)

“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102; or student manual, 83)

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25)

Example:
“After we have been married 70 years, I can say to all of you that it gets better, that it gets better year after year, with the preciousness and the tenderness and the realization of some of the eternal blessings that lie ahead for us. And so to all of you I would say, and Ruby would join with me if she could be standing here, that life can be wonderful and so meaningful, but we have to live it in a simple way. We must live the principles of the gospel. For it is the gospel in our lives that makes the difference as we wend our way through life” (Elder David B. Haight, in Conference Report, Oct. 2000, 22; or Ensign, Nov. 2000, 19)

“If you suppose that the full-blown rapture of young romantic love is the sum of the possibilities which spring from the fountains of life, you have not yet lived to see the devotion and the comfort of longtime married love.

Married couples are tried by temptation, misunderstandings, separation, financial problems, family crises, illness; and all the while love grows stronger, the mature love enjoys a bliss not even imagined by newlyweds” (Elder Boyd K. Packer, The Things of the Soul [1996], 106–7; or student manual, 142).

While this type of love is within reach, it takes real effort to achieve.

Two potted plants, one that looks healthy and beautiful and another that is wilting or dead. What may have made the difference in the condition of the two plants?

“The tender flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of:

- Love,
- The manifestation of esteem and admiration,
- The expressions of gratitude,
- The consideration of unselfishness.
(President Spencer W. Kimball:, “Marriage and Divorce,” in 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [1977], 150; or student manual, 172)

“… If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions. … Certainly the foods most vital for love are

- Consideration
- Kindness
- Thoughtfulness
- Concern
- Expressions of affection
- Embraces of appreciation
- Admiration
- Pride
- Companionship
- Confidence
- Faith
- Partnership
- Equality
- Dependence”
President Spencer W. Kimball:, “Marriage and Divorce,” in 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [1977], 150; or student manual, 172)

“It may be our own capacity to give love that makes us most lovable” (Elder Marlin K. Jensen, “A Union of Love and Understanding,” 163)

“Very little love can come from one who is not at peace with himself or herself and God” (Elder Marlin K. Jensen, “A Union of Love and Understanding,” 164)

“If we want to make ourselves into worthy eternal companions, we can first concentrate on becoming unwavering disciples of the Master” (Elder Marlin K. Jensen, “A Union of Love and Understanding,” 163)

Example:
“I see my own companion of fifty-two years. Is her contribution less acceptable before the Lord than is mine? I am satisfied it is not. She has walked quietly at my side, sustained me in my responsibilities, reared and blessed our children, served in many capacities in the Church, and spread an unmitigated measure of cheer and goodness wherever she has gone. The older I grow the more I appreciate—yes, the more I love—this little woman with whom I knelt at the altar in the house of the Lord more than half a century ago.

“I wish with all of my heart that every marriage might be a happy marriage. I wish that every marriage might be an eternal partnership. I believe that wish can be realized if there is a willingness to make the effort to bring it to pass” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Rise to the Stature of the Divine within You,” Ensign, Nov. 1989, 97; or student manual, 79)

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102.)

woman than the marriage covenant. No obligation in society or in the Church supersedes it in importance.” (President Boyd K. Packer, In Conference Report, Apr. 1981, 17; or Ensign, May 1981, 15.)

Husbands and wives cannot afford to neglect their marriage relationship. Unfortunately, many do.

As a member of the Seventy, President James E. Faust of the First Presidency discussed the causes of divorce, focusing on one in particular:

“In my experience there is another reason which seems not so obvious but which precedes and laces through all of the others. It is the lack of a constant enrichment in marriage. It is an absence of that something extra which makes it precious, special, and wonderful, when it is also drudgery, difficult, and dull.” (President James E. Faust, In Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 13; or Ensign, Nov. 1977, 10.)

During courtship, couples often spend much time together. They focus on their relationship and seek to fulfill each other’s needs. They often express affection by showing kindness and respect, being generous, sharing goals and values, spending time together, giving compliments, talking and listening, giving gifts, remembering special occasions, and sending love notes, letters, and cards.

After couples marry, however, education, careers, children, and service begin to fill their lives. They have many demands on their time, including work, family, personal activities, and church and community service. As their responsibilities increase, some couples interact with each other less and less frequently. Time passes and husbands and wives get too involved in other activities; marriage ceases to be as important as it once was, and relationships suffer. Acts of kindness decrease or stop altogether, communication becomes infrequent and mundane, and expressions of affection and love diminish. Couples become careless in their conversations and behavior. Romance fades, and the marriage relationship begins to wither.

The devil plays a role in shifting priorities away from marriage:

“Enticing voices will speak to us of worldly achievements and acquisitions that may lead us on dangerous detours from which we can return only with great effort.  (Marlin K. Jensen, “A Union of Love and Understanding,” Ensign, Oct. 1994, 50.)

Small, seemingly insignificant choices along the way will have large consequences that will determine our eventual destiny.” (Marlin K. Jensen, “A Union of Love and Understanding,” Ensign, Oct. 1994, 50.)

Too often, men and women trade promises of peace, happiness, and eternal life for a chance at fleeting prestige, power, and pride. Small choices accumulate until some people awake to discover they have lost that which they valued most.

“Many people … have permitted their marriage to grow stale and weak and cheap. … These people will do well to reevaluate, to renew their courting, to express their affection, to acknowledge kindnesses, and to increase their consideration so their marriage can again become beautiful, sweet, and growing.” (President Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage and Divorce (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1976), 22.)

“Love … cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness.” (President Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage and Divorce (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1976), 22.)

“The family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” (“The Family: A Proclamation,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102.)

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. (Moses 3:24)

Since the family is central to the Creator’s plan, those who wish to obey Him make their marriages and families central to their own lives.

While many other activities in life are worthwhile, they should not become so important that they prevent a couple from investing the necessary time and energy to enrich their relationship.

When husband and wife make each other and their marriage a top priority, they experience happiness and peace and ultimately enjoy an eternal marriage relationship.

The gospel of Jesus Christ helps people make their marriages a high priority.

In terms of priorities, marriage is second only to love of God.

“As we got closer to marriage, I felt completely confident that Gordon loved me. But I also knew somehow that I would never come first with him. I knew I was going to be second in his life and that the Lord was going to be first. And that was okay.” (Marjorie P. Hinckley, Quoted in Sheri L. Dew, Go Forward with Faith: The Biography of Gordon B. Hinckley (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1996), 114.)

When a husband and wife love God and keep His commandments, they also love and cherish each other and treat each other with respect. They keep the covenants they have made.

Loving and serving God is their first priority; loving and serving their spouse is a close second or even a part of carrying out the first priority.

When they love God, their capacity to love one another increases, and their commitment to be faithful to the marriage becomes resolute.

Just as small decisions can lead individuals away from their marriages, small and seemingly insignificant acts of kindness, charity, and love can heal emotional wounds and establish a firm foundation for healthy and fulfilling relationships.

“In the enriching of marriage the big things are the little things. It is a constant appreciation for each other and a thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. It is the encouraging and the helping of each other to grow. Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine.” (President James E. Faust, In Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 14.)

Husband and wife will enrich their marriage as they center their relationship in the gospel, take time for each other, have fun together, talk frequently and positively, and perform acts of kindness.

Ponder:

Consider some of the benefits of investing more energy in their marriage:

- Greater Happiness;
- A Sense of Purpose and Fulfillment;
- Improved Physical, Emotional, and spiritual Health;
- Increased Love;
- Greater Intimacy;
- Better Communication;
- Peace of Mind
‍

“There is one special enriching ingredient, which above all else will help join a man and a woman together in a very real, sacred, spiritual sense. It is the presence of the divine in marriage.” (President James E. Faust, In Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 14.)

Couples will have great happiness when they love the Lord and each other more than themselves and when they attend the temple frequently, pray together, attend their Church meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste, and work together to build up the kingdom of God. (President Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage and Divorce, 24.)

When wife and husband center their relationship in the gospel of Jesus Christ, their marriage and their personal lives improve.

Couples should pray together morning and night, study the scriptures, and have a weekly family home evening.

And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; (Mosiah 18:8)

The gospel teaches individuals to love and serve one another and to “bear one another’s burdens” (Mosiah 18:8). When individuals take upon themselves the name of Christ, they covenant to love others in this manner.

Christlike attitudes and actions nourish and strengthen marriage relationships as couples keep their covenants.

“Divorces are increasing because in many cases the union lacks that enrichment which comes from the sanctifying benediction which flows from the keeping of the commandments of God. It is a lack of spiritual nourishment.” (President James E.Faust, In Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 14)

Husbands and wives must persistently seek ways to nurture their relationship.

Quite often, the activities that siphon away time and energy are good. Completing an education, succeeding in a career, raising children, fulfilling Church callings, and honoring civic and military obligations all compete with marriage and family time.

“It is imperative that you not neglect your families. Nothing you have is more precious. … When all is said and done, it is this family relationship which we will take with us into the life beyond.” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Rejoicing in the Privilege to Serve,” Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting, June 2003, 22)

Sometimes individuals have to make tough decisions. When happiness and stability in marriage are at stake, they may need to sacrifice lucrative, time-consuming jobs and delay financial and personal goals. They may even need to reduce the amount of time spent serving others to allow time for this most sacred relationship.

“Together with [your family], determine how much time you will spend with them and when. And then stick to it. Try not to let anything interfere. Consider it sacred. Consider it binding. Consider it an earned time of enjoyment. (President Gordon B. Hinckley, Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting, June 2003, 22–23)

“Keep Monday night sacred for family home evening. Have an evening alone with your wife. Arrange some vacation time with the entire family.” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting, June 2003, 22–23)

The First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve included “wholesome recreational activities” as one of the principles for successful marriages and families. (“The Family: A Proclamation,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)

Couples in troubled relationships do not just suddenly find each other unattractive. Rather, “the biggest reason attraction dies down is that couples neglect the very things that built and maintained it in the first place, friendship and fun.” (Psychologists Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, and Susan Blumberg, Fighting for Your Marriage (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, Inc., 1994), 262–63)

It is recommended that couples set aside time for fun and not try to solve problems during that time. (Psychologists Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, and Susan Blumberg, Fighting for Your Marriage (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, Inc., 1994), 262–63)

“Social scientists who have studied leisure time corroborate the conclusion I reached in my interviews [with couples who thrive]: husbands and wives who spend leisure time together tend to be much more satisfied with their marriages than those who don’t.” (Psychologists Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, and Susan Blumberg, Fighting for Your Marriage (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, Inc., 1994), 262–63)

Example:

Page said the couples she interviewed do many things together:

“They dance; run or work out; hike; ski; play volleyball; … eat out; go to movies, theater, or concerts; entertain friends; play parlor games, and so on.”

She added that “watching TV did not count for most of these couples as playtime, unless they were watching a special program together.” (The 8 Essential Traits, 54)
^‍‍

Example:

^‍Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg mentioned activities such as exercising, swimming, hiking, doing yoga, playing tag, cooking, collecting sea shells, watching movies, having a soda, and talking (sharing goals, dreams, plans, hopes, compliments) (Psychologists Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, and Susan Blumberg, Fighting for Your Marriage (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, Inc., 1994), 262–63)

The activities themselves are not as important as the attitudes of the couples doing them.

Working together on household tasks can be enjoyable. Often, the most enjoyable activities cost the least.

As couples consider activities they can do together, remind them that they should not consider only the activities they both enjoy.

If spouses take turns selecting activities and sharing interests, they can gain a better understanding of each other, and they will perhaps develop new interests.

Their willingness to try new activities and support each other will enrich their marriage.

Husbands and wives do not need to give up the good things they do; they can begin to share many of those activities and participate in them together.

Family home evenings are a good time for family fun: “Family home evenings should be scheduled once a week as a time for recreation, work projects, skits, songs around the piano, games, special refreshments, and family prayers. (President Ezra Taft Benson, In Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 86; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 60)

Like iron links in a chain, this practice will bind a family together, in love, pride, tradition, strength, and loyalty.” (President Ezra Taft Benson, In Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 86; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 60)

“Some couples seem not to listen to one another. Taking time to talk is essential to keep lines of communication intact.  (Elder Russell M. Nelson, In Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 28; or Ensign, May 1991, 23)

If marriage is a prime relationship in life, it deserves prime time! Yet less important appointments are often given priority, leaving only leftover moments for listening to precious partners.” (Elder Russell M. Nelson, In Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 28; or Ensign, May 1991, 23)

“Marriage relationships can be enriched by better communication. … (President James E. Faust, In Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 13)

We communicate in a thousand ways, such as a smile, a brush of the hair, a gentle touch, and remembering each day to say ‘I love you’ and the husband to say ‘You’re beautiful.’ Some other important words to say, when appropriate, are ‘I’m sorry.’ Listening is excellent communication.” (President James E. Faust, In Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 13)

successful couples interact positively by showing interest in each other, being affectionate, performing thoughtful acts, being appreciative, showing concern and empathy, accepting a spouse’s differing point of view, being playful, and sharing joy when having a good time. (From Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman, Ph.D. Copyright © 1994 by John Gottman. Reprinted by permission of Simon & Schuster, Inc. NY. Pages 59–61)

Couples whose marriages thrived “had relatively few communication impasses; they were able to talk easily about difficult subjects; they felt they understood each other; they withheld very little from each other; and they could rely on their ability to resolve conflicts.” (The 8 Essential Traits, 133)

“If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce. Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness.” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, In Conference Report, Oct. 2004, 87–88; or Ensign, Nov. 2004, 84–85)

“The women in our lives are … endowed with particular qualities, divine qualities, which cause them to reach out in kindness and with love to those about them. We can encourage that outreach if we will give them opportunity to give expression to the talents and impulses that lie within them. In our old age my beloved companion said to me quietly one evening, ‘You have always given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it.’” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, In Conference Report, Oct. 2004, 87–88; or Ensign, Nov. 2004, 84–85)

The courtship that occurs before marriage is even more essential afterward.

Husbands and wives help each other address life’s challenges when they show genuine respect, kindness, and affection for each other. Relationships suffer tremendously when these elements are missing.

Continued acts of kindness and expressions of love create strong, enduring bonds between husbands and wives.

Marriage relationships will thrive when husband and wife show love and appreciation to each other.

Acts of tenderness, consideration, and compassion are essential nutrients. When individuals receive these nutrients, they feel alive and motivated to reach their highest potential.

A husband and wife should not expect that everything will always go well. But if they love and respect each other, they will find great satisfaction in marriage.

A husband and wife should not expect that everything will always go well. But if they love and respect each other, they will find great satisfaction in marriage. (President James E.Faust, In Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 14)

Couples will find great happiness as they live the gospel, adhere to the inspired teachings of Church leaders, and apply sound relationship principles and skills. There will be challenges. However, couples can find hope.

“Where there are challenges, you fail only if you fail to keep trying!” (President Spencer W. Kimball, In Conference Report, Oct. 1980, 5; or Ensign, Nov. 1980, 5)

Persistence will bring the promised reward of greater happiness in this life and eternal family life in the world to come.

“And they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24)

“There are many aspects to love in marriage, and sex is an important one. (President Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness [1969], 73)

Just as married partners are not for others, they are for each other. (President Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness [1969], 73)

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2)

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3)

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. (1 Corinthians 7:4)

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Corinthians 7:5)

The union of man and woman is sanctified in marriage and becomes an expression of the love, unity, and potential godhood of the couple.

“The lawful association of the sexes is ordained of God, not only as the sole means of race perpetuation, but for the development of the higher faculties and nobler traits of human nature, which the love-inspired companionship of man and woman alone can insure” (President Joseph F. Smith, “Unchastity the Dominant Evil of the Age,” Improvement Era, June 1917, 739; or student manual, 139)

A correct understanding of intimacy in marriage increases our chances of building a happy marriage.

There are many distorted views in the world today about sexual relationships, which if believed and practiced can destroy our happiness. It is important that we understand our procreative powers in terms of the plan of salvation.

“Married couples … should understand that sexual relations within marriage are divinely approved not only for the purpose of procreation, but also as a means of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual bonds between husband and wife” (Church Handbook of Instructions:, Book 1: Stake Presidencies and Bishoprics [1998], 158)

27 So the Gods went down to organize man in their own image, in the image of the Gods to form they him, male and female to form they them.
28 And the Gods said: We will bless them. And the Gods said: We will cause them to be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it, and to have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. (Abraham 4:27–28)

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.’ (Genesis 1:28.)

“We have a great many principles innate in our natures that are correct, but they want sanctifying. God said to man, ‘Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.’ (Genesis 1:28.) Well, he has planted, in accordance with this, a natural desire in woman towards man, and in man towards woman and a feeling of affection, regard, and sympathy exists between the sexes. We bring it into the world with us, but that, like everything else, has to be sanctified. An unlawful gratification of these feelings and sympathies is wrong in the sight of God, and leads down to death, while a proper exercise of our functions leads to life, happiness, and exaltation in this world and the world to come. And so it is in regard to a thousand other things” (President John Taylor, Gospel Kingdom, 61)..

“The lawful association of the sexes is ordained of God, not only as the sole means of race perpetuation, but for the development of the higher faculties and nobler traits of human nature, which the love-inspired companionship of man and woman alone can insure” (President Joseph F. Smith, “Unchastity the Dominant Evil of the Age,” Improvement Era, June 1917, 739)..

“It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units. In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love” (President Kimball Speaks Out, 2)..

Procreation comes from God and is holy but is appropriate only between a man and a woman within marriage.

“Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11)

From the very beginning the Lord decreed, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18)

Husbands and wives knit together in love and fidelity can experience joy in their physical relationship and help the Lord fulfill His purposes in multiplying and replenishing the earth.

Sometimes couples place too much emphasis on the physical aspects of marriage. Physical intimacy is an important element of married love, but more is required to achieve a pure love.

“Your love, like a flower, must be nourished.  There will come a great love and interdependence between you, for your love is a divine one. It is deep, inclusive, comprehensive. It is not like that association of the world which is misnamed love, but which is mostly physical attraction. When marriage is based on this only, the parties soon tire of each other. There is a break and a divorce, and a new, fresher physical attraction comes with another marriage which in turn may last only until it, too, becomes stale. (President Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle [1972], 130–31; or student manual, 140).

The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but spiritual attraction as well. It is faith and confidence in, and understanding of, one another. It is a total partnership. It is companionship with common ideals and standards. It is unselfishness toward and sacrifice for one another. It is cleanliness of thought and action and faith in God and his program. It is parenthood in mortality ever looking toward godhood and creationship, and parenthood of spirits. It is vast, all-inclusive, and limitless. This kind of love never tires or wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity” (President Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle [1972], 130–31; or student manual, 140).

“Think of the promises that are made to you in the beautiful and glorious ceremony that is used in the marriage covenant in the temple. When two Latter-day Saints are united together in marriage, promises are made to them concerning their offspring, that reach from eternity to eternity. They are promised that they shall have the power and the right to govern and control and administer salvation and exaltation and glory to their offspring worlds without end. And what offspring they do not have here, undoubtedly there will be opportunities to have them hereafter. What else could man wish? A man and a woman in the other life, having celestial bodies, free from sickness and disease, glorified and beautified beyond description, standing in the midst of their posterity, governing and controlling them, administering life, exaltation, and glory, worlds without end” (Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, 138)..

Pure love takes time and effort to achieve. Physical intimacy in marriage is part of the process of becoming as one in the Lord.

When we understand physical intimacy with the perspective of the plan of salvation and are obedient to the Lord, we can avoid many of the problems that plague the world as a result of disregard for the law of chastity.

“The expression of our procreative powers is pleasing to God, but he has commanded that this be confined within the relationship of marriage” (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 99; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 74)..

“Any sexual intimacy outside of the bonds of marriage—I mean any intentional contact with the sacred, private parts of another’s body, with or without clothing—is a sin and is forbidden by God” (Elder Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 51; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 38)..

“Let us instruct young people who come to us, first, young men throughout the Church, to know that a woman should be queen of her own body. The marriage covenant does not give the man the right to enslave her, or to abuse her, or to use her merely for the gratification of his passion. Your marriage ceremony does not give you that right” (President David O. McKay, in Conference Report, Apr. 1952, 86)..

“If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not condone it” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 312)..

abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul (1 Peter 2:11)..

No indecent exposure or pornography or other aberrations to defile the mind and spirit. No fondling of bodies, one’s own or that of others, and no sex between persons except in proper marriage relationships. This is positively prohibited by our Creator in all places, at all times, and we reaffirm it. Even in marriage there can be some excesses and distortions. No amount of rationalization to the contrary can satisfy a disappointed Father in heaven” (President Spencer W. Kimball, in Conference Report, Apr. 1974, 8–9; or Ensign, May 1974, 7)..

“Keep yourselves above any domineering or unworthy behavior in the tender, intimate relationship between husband and wife. Because marriage is ordained of God, the intimate relationship between husbands and wives is good and honorable in the eyes of God. He has commanded that they be one flesh and that they multiply and replenish the earth (see Moses 2:28; 3:24). You are to love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it (see Ephesians 5:25–31) (President Howard W. Hunter, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 68; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51)..

“Tenderness and respect—never selfishness—must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord” (President Howard W. Hunter, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 68; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51)..

“Even though sex can be an important and satisfactory part of married life, we must remember that life is not designed just for sex. Even marriage does not make proper certain extremes in sexual indulgence. To the Ephesian saints Paul begged for propriety in marriage: ‘So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.’ (Eph. 5:28.) And perhaps the Lord’s condemnation included secret sexual sins in marriage, when he said: ‘… And those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God.’ (D&C 132:52.)” (Miracle of Forgiveness, 73)..

“In the teachings of the Church of Christ, the family assumes supreme importance in the development of the individual and of society. (President David O. McKay, in Conference Report, Apr. 1966, 108)

‘Happy and thrice happy are they who enjoy an uninterrupted union and whose love, unbroken by any complaints, shall not dissolve until the last day.’ It will not dissolve when a worthy couple is sealed by the authority of the Holy Priesthood throughout all eternity. The marriage ceremony when thus sealed produces happiness and joy unsurpassed by any other experience in the world” (President David O. McKay, in Conference Report, Apr. 1966, 108)

“Honorable, happy, and successful marriage is surely the principal goal of every normal person. (President Spencer W. Kimball, “Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 3–4)

Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. … (President Spencer W. Kimball, “Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 3–4)

“… Marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person” (President Spencer W. Kimball, “Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 3–4)

“As our family is our greatest source of joy in this life, so it may well be in the eternity” (President Ezra Taft Benson, in Conference Report, Apr. 1979, 48; or Ensign, May 1979, 33–34)

“The ultimate purpose of all we teach is to unite parents and children in faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, that they are happy at home, sealed in an eternal marriage, linked to their generations, and assured of exaltation in the presence of our Heavenly Father” (President Boyd K. Packer, in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 8; or Ensign, May 1995, 8)

“Some marriages do bend, and some will break, but we must not, because of this, lose faith in marriage nor become afraid of it.

“Broken marriages are not typical.

“Remember that trouble attracts attention! We travel the highway with thousands of cars moving in either direction without paying much attention to any of them. But should an accident occur, we notice immediately.

“If it happens again, we get the false impression that no one can go safely down the road.

“One accident may make the front page, while a hundred million cars that safely pass are not regarded as worth mentioning.

“Writers think that a happy, stable marriage does not have the dramatic appeal, the conflict worth featuring in a book or a play or a film. Therefore, we constantly hear about the ruined ones and we lose our perspective.“I believe in marriage.

I believe it to be the ideal pattern for human living. I know it to be ordained of God. The restraints relating to it were designed to protect our happiness.

“I do not know of any better time in all of the history of the world for a young couple who are of age and prepared and who are in love to think of marriage. There is no better time because it is your time.

“I know that these are very troubled times. Troubles like we have now are very hard on marriages.

“Do not lose faith in marriage. Not even if you have been through the unhappiness of a divorce and are surrounded with pieces of a marriage that has fallen apart” (Elder Boyd K. Packer, in Conference Report, Apr. 1981, 15–16; or Ensign, May 1981, 14–15)

“There is nothing in this world as important as the creation and perfection of family units” (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, “Salvation Is a Family Affair,” Improvement Era, June 1970, 43–44)

“The whole aim and purpose of the gospel is to enable men and women—united as one in the Lord—to create for themselves eternal family units in eternity. (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, in Conference Report, Oct. 1979, 82; or Ensign, Nov. 1979, 55)

Celestial marriage prepares us for the greatest joy and happiness known to mortals and for eternal life in the realms ahead” (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, in Conference Report, Oct. 1979, 82; or Ensign, Nov. 1979, 55)

“Happiness in marriage and parenthood can exceed a thousand times any other happiness” (James E. Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 14; or Ensign, Nov. 1977, 11)

How forcible are right words! but what doth your arguing reprove?
(Job 6:25)

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
(Proverbs 15:1)

34 O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.

35 A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.

36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.

37 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.
(Matthew 12:34–37)

And when the Jews heard these things they were angry with him; yea, even as with the prophets of old, whom they had cast out, and stoned, and slain; and they also sought his life, that they might take it away. But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.
(1 Nephi 1:20)

Do not suppose, because it has been spoken concerning restoration, that ye shall be restored from sin to happiness. Behold, I say unto you, wickedness never was happiness.
(Alma 41:10)

22 Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.

23 And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents not he shall be cast out.
(D&C 42:22–23)

But no man is possessor of all things except he be purified and cleansed from all sin.
(D&C 50:28)

“Perhaps our greatest concern is with families. The family is falling apart all over the world. The old ties that bound together father and mother and children are breaking everywhere. We must face this in our own midst. There are too many broken homes among our own. The love that led to marriage somehow evaporates, and hatred fills its place. Hearts are broken; children weep. Can we not do better? Of course we can. It is selfishness that brings about most of these tragedies. If there is forbearance, if there is forgiveness, if there is an anxious looking after the happiness of one’s companion, then love will flourish and blossom.(Gordon B. Hinckleyi, n Conference Report, Oct. 1997, 94; or Ensign, Nov. 1997, 69)

“As I look to the future, I see little to feel enthusiastic about concerning the family in America and across the world. Drugs and alcohol are taking a terrible toll, which is not likely to decrease. Harsh language one to another, indifference to the needs of one another—all seem to be increasing. There is so much of child abuse. There is so much of spouse abuse. There is growing abuse of the elderly. All of this will happen and get worse unless there is an underlying acknowledgment, yes, a strong and fervent conviction, concerning the fact that the family is an instrument of the Almighty. It is His creation. It is also the basic unit of society. (Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Oct. 1997, 94; or Ensign, Nov. 1997, 69)

“I lift a warning voice to our people. We have moved too far toward the mainstream of society in this matter. Now of course there are good families. There are good families everywhere. But there are too many who are in trouble. This is a malady with a cure. The prescription is simple and wonderfully effective. It is love. It is plain, simple, everyday love and respect. It is a tender plant that needs nurturing. But it is worth all of the effort we can put into it” (Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Oct. 1997, 94; or Ensign, Nov. 1997, 69)

“There may be now and again a legitimate cause for divorce. I am not one to say that it is never justified. But I say without hesitation that this plague among us, which seems to be growing everywhere, is not of God, but rather is the work of the adversary of righteousness and peace and truth”

And because he had fallen from heaven, and had become miserable forever, he sought also the misery of all mankind. Wherefore, he said unto Eve, yea, even that old serpent, who is the devil, who is the father of all lies, wherefore he said: Partake of the forbidden fruit, and ye shall not die, but ye shall be as God, knowing good and evil.
(2 Nephi 2:18)

For behold, at that day shall he rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good. (2 Nephi 28:20)

Know ye not, my son, that these things are an abomination in the sight of the Lord; yea, most abominable above all sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost? (Alma 39:5)

And notwithstanding this great abomination of the Lamanites, it doth not exceed that of our people in Moriantum. For behold, many of the daughters of the Lamanites have they taken prisoners; and after depriving them of that which was most dear and precious above all things, which is chastity and virtue—(Moroni 9:9)

“The single purpose of Lucifer is to oppose the great plan of happiness, to corrupt the purest, most beautiful and appealing experiences of life: romance, love, marriage, and parenthood [2 Nephi 2:18; 28:20]. The specters of heartbreak and guilt follow him about [Alma 39:5; Moroni 9:9]. Only repentance can heal what he hurts” (Elder Boyd K. Packer, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 27–28; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 21)

Therefore rejoice, ye heavens, and ye that dwell in them. Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time. (Revelation 12:12)

“The ultimate purpose of the adversary, who has ‘great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time,’ [Revelation 12:12] is to disrupt, disturb, and destroy the home and the family. Like a ship without a rudder, without a compass, we drift from the family values which have anchored us in the past.   Now we are caught in a current so strong that unless we correct our course, civilization as we know it will surely be wrecked to pieces” (Elder Boyd K. Packer, in Conference Report, Apr. 1994, 24; or Ensign, May 1994, 19)

“We live in a day when Lucifer’s influence is greater than we ever have known in our lifetimes. In terms of the sin, evil, and wickedness upon the earth, we could liken our time to the days of Noah before the flood. No one is immune to affliction and difficulty, whether it be economical, emotional, or spiritual. Immorality, violence, and divorce, with their accompanying sorrows, plague society worldwide” (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 4; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 5)

“Looking for the path to safety in the counsel of prophets makes sense to those with strong faith” (Elder Henry B. Eyring, in Conference Report, Apr. 1997, 32; or Ensign, May 1997, 25)

“Those who attain to the blessing of the first or celestial resurrection will be pure and holy, and perfect in body. Every man and woman that reaches to this unspeakable attainment will be as beautiful as the angels that surround the throne of God. If you can by faithfulness in this life, obtain the right to come up in the morning of the resurrection, you need entertain no fears that the wife will be dissatisfied with her husband, or the husband with the wife; for those of the first resurrection will be free from sin and from the consequences and power of sin” (President Brigham Young, “Future State of Existence,” Contributor, May 1890, 241)