Ponder
Ask yourself, “How does my faith in Jesus Christ help me handle hard times?”

The children of Israel are carrying the ark of the covenant. They come to the River Jordan. The promise is they will cross over on dry land. When does the water part? When their feet are wet.   (See David A. Bednar,  “Seek Learning by Faith” [address to Church Educational System religious educators, Feb. 3, 2006], lds.org/media-library)

“And neither at any time hath any wrought miracles until after their faith; wherefore they first believed in the Son of God” (Ether 12:18).

“Faith in God includes faith in His purposes as well as in His timing. We cannot fully accept Him while rejecting His schedule” (Neal A. Maxwell, That Ye May Believe [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1992], 84).

“Faith in Jesus Christ propels us to do things we otherwise would not do. Faith that motivates us to action gives us more access to His power. We also increase the Savior’s power in our lives when we make sacred covenants and keep those covenants with precision. Our covenants bind us to Him and give us godly power” (Russell M. Nelson, “Drawing the Power of Jesus Christ into Our Lives,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2017, 41).

“We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year!“   (Russell M. Nelson, “Joy and Spiritual Survival,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2016, 82).

“My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.“ (Russell M. Nelson, “Joy and Spiritual Survival,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2016, 82).

“When the focus of our lives is on God’s plan of salvation … and Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives. Joy comes from and because of Him. He is the source of all joy” (Russell M. Nelson, “Joy and Spiritual Survival,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2016, 82).

Discuss

Why is faith necessary for God to strengthen us temporally, emotionally, and spiritually?

Activity

Step 1: Read principles 11 through 13 below.

Step 2: Discuss how acting on these prophetic priorities can help you have more faith in Jesus Christ.

“The more we know about the Savior’s ministry and mission—the more we understand His doctrine and what He did for us—the more we know that He can provide the power that we need for our lives” (Russell M. Nelson, “Drawing the Power of Jesus Christ into Our Lives,” Ensign or Liahona, Apr. 2017, 39).

“Your faith will grow not by chance, but by choice. … When was the last time that you read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover? Read it again. It will increase your faith” (Neil L. Andersen, “Faith Is Not by Chance, but by Choice,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2015, 66–67).

“Ordinances that are received worthily and remembered continually open the heavenly channels through which the power of godliness can flow into our lives. … The Sabbath day and the holy temple are two specific sources of divine help instituted by God to assist us in rising above the level and corruption of the world” (David A. Bednar, “Exceeding Great and Precious Promises,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2017, 91–92).

Commit to do the following action during the week.  

I will choose one thing to do this week to strengthen my faith in Jesus Christ.

To become like the Savior, everyone will need to face challenges and hardships during this life. Dealing with life’s challenges successfully requires faith in Jesus Christ and emotional resilience.

Emotional resilience is:

- The ability to adapt to emotional challenges with courage and faith centered in Jesus Christ.

- Helping yourself and others the best you can.

- Reaching out for additional help when needed.

As the Father of our spirits, God is perfect, has all power, and knows all things. He loves each of us, and our progress is His work and glory.

His plan for us is to grow and change until we become like Him. He allows us to be challenged, and if we respond in faith, the Lord will strengthen us and help us grow to become more like him. Being emotionally resilient helps us to be patient and grow from these challenges.

Discuss:

How have challenging experiences helped you grow in your life?

Even when bad things happen around us, we still get to choose how we respond.

Taking responsibility for how we react, even when facing challenges, brings peace and power.

“As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. (David A. Bednar, “And Nothing Shall Offend Them,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2006, 90).

Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. (David A. Bednar, “And Nothing Shall Offend Them,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2006, 90).

To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. (David A. Bednar, “And Nothing Shall Offend Them,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2006, 90).

As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond” (David A. Bednar, “And Nothing Shall Offend Them,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2006, 90).

Challenges or unexpected changes may seem unfair. We may be tempted to respond in ways that are unproductive and not Christlike:

- Blame others
- Make excuses
- RebelComplain
- Find fault
- Doubt
- Give up
- Procrastinate
- Get angry
- Indulge in self-pity
- Allow fear to rule
- Self-justify

Becoming emotionally resilient involves recognizing these responses in ourselves and using our agency to choose a more appropriate response.

Activity

With a partner, review each situation below. Using the list in the previous paragraph, think of some of the unproductive responses that would apply to each situation. Discuss how we are tempted to respond and ways we can “act for [ourselves] and not to be acted upon” (2 Nephi 2:26).
‍

Discuss:

When have you used your agency to act responsibly? How did it help you?

Discuss:

Despite their challenges, what did the individuals in the video do to allow the Lord to help them?

“Having faith in Jesus Christ is to trust that because of His atoning sacrifice He will correct all injustices, restore all things lost, and mend all things broken, including hearts. He will make all things right, not leaving any detail unattended” (Lynn G. Robbins, “Be 100 Percent Responsible” [Brigham Young University devotional, Aug. 22, 2017], speeches.byu.edu).

Discuss:

How can faith in Jesus Christ help us endure challenges well?

“At one time or another we’ve all heard some form of the familiar adage: ‘Nothing is as constant as change.’ Throughout our lives, we must deal with change. Some changes are welcome; some are not. There are changes in our lives which are sudden, such as the unexpected passing of a loved one, an unforeseen illness, the loss of a possession we treasure. But most of the changes take place subtly and slowly” (Thomas S. Monson, “Finding Joy in the Journey,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2008, 84).

The Lord assures us that if we humble ourselves before Him, He can help us change for the better.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).

Activity

Each week we will learn new skills to help us “act for [ourselves] and not to be acted upon” (2 Nephi 2:26). Consider something you want to improve. If you have a change in mind, use the space below to record your ideas and impressions. If not, as you review the topics in this manual, you will likely discover ways that you want to change, and you can come back and record your thoughts and feelings here.

Something I want to change:


How could my life be different when I make this change?

‍

One of your commitments each week will include writing down at least one thing you are grateful for each day.

Expressing gratitude doesn’t mean that you deny or ignore feelings of pain or discouragement.

Expressing gratitude does mean that you acknowledge the blessings Heavenly Father has given you. For example, it could be when someone was kind to you or when you appreciated something you saw, smelled, heard, touched, or tasted.

“God sees us as we truly are. … His plan is to build us into something far greater than what we were—far greater than what we can ever imagine. With each step of faith on the path of discipleship, we grow into the beings of eternal glory and infinite joy we were designed to become” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2016, 104).

“Grateful in Any Circumstance!”

Discuss
‍
When has gratitude helped you or others experience happiness?

Ponder
“Through your faith, Jesus Christ will increase your ability to move the mountains in your life, even though your personal challenges may loom as large as Mount Everest” (Russell M. Nelson, “Christ Is Risen; Faith in Him Will Move Mountains,” Liahona, May 2021, 102).

What are the most meaningful things I learned today?  (Write it down)

What will I do as a result of what I learned today?  (Write it Down)

Ponder:
What is the worth of my soul to God?

“Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; for, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him” (D&C 18:10–11).

Video to Watch: “Our True Identity”

Much of the confusion we experience in this life comes from simply not understanding who we are.

Think of where you come from. You are sons and daughters of the greatest, most glorious being in the universe. He loves you with an infinite love. He wants the best for you. This knowledge changes everything. It changes your present. It can change your future. And it can change the world. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Reflections In The Water" Nov 1, 2009)

If only we understood who we are and what is in store for us, our hearts would overflow with such gratitude and happiness that it would enlighten even the darkest sorrows with the light and love of God. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Reflections In The Water" Nov 1, 2009)

Of course there will always be voices telling you that you are foolish to believe that you are swans, insisting that you are but ugly ducklings and that you can’t expect to become anything else. But you know better. You are no ordinary beings. You are glorious and eternal. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Reflections In The Water" Nov 1, 2009)

I plead with you—just look into the water and see your true reflection! It is my prayer and blessing that when you look at your reflection, you will be able to see beyond imperfections and self-doubts and recognize who you truly are: glorious sons and daughters of Almighty God. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Reflections In The Water" Nov 1, 2009)

“You are a child of God. He is the Father of your spirit. Spiritually you are of noble birth, the offspring of the King of Heaven. Fix that truth in your mind and hold to it” (Boyd K. Packer, “To Young Women and Men,” Ensign, May 1989, 54).

“Be careful how you characterize yourself. Don’t characterize or define yourself by some temporary quality. (Dallin H. Oaks, “How to Define Yourself,” New Era, June 2013, 48).

The only single quality that should characterize us is that we are a son or daughter of God. That fact transcends all other characteristics, including race, occupation, physical characteristics, honors, or even religious affiliation” (Dallin H. Oaks, “How to Define Yourself,” New Era, June 2013, 48).

“You are unique. One of a kind, made of the eternal intelligence which gives you claim upon eternal life.“(Spencer W. Kimball, “Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, Nov. 1978, 105).

“Let there be no question in your mind about your value as an individual. The whole intent of the gospel plan is to provide an opportunity for each of you to reach your fullest potential, which is eternal progression and the possibility of godhood” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, Nov. 1978, 105).

Discuss:
Why is remembering our true identity and potential so important?

Activity:

Read: Heavenly Father wants us to value ourselves the way He sees us and not as the world judges. Satan uses discouragement to cause us to doubt God’s love for us and our divine nature and purpose.

Step 1: With a partner, read the differences between worth and worthiness in the table below (see Joy D. Jones, “Value beyond Measure,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2017, 13–15).
‍

Step 2:
Discuss with your partner why Satan would want us to believe our worth and worthiness are the same. How does thinking poorly about ourselves hold us back?

“We cannot gauge the worth of another soul any more than we can measure the span of the universe.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “You Are My Hands,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2010, 69).

“Every person we meet is a VIP to our Heavenly Father. Once we understand that, we can begin to understand how we should treat our fellowmen” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “You Are My Hands,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2010, 69).

Discuss:
Why is it important to see others as God sees them? How can we develop this spiritual gift?

Commit:
I will identify one way to remember my divine identity this week.

Your thoughts are important. How you talk about yourself and how you think about things impact how you feel and how resilient you can be.

Your thoughts also play a great role in how you interact with others and perceive the world around you.

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).

Knowing how much power your thoughts have over your emotions, both the Savior and the adversary seek to influence your thoughts.

The Savior asks us to “look unto [Him] in every thought” with faith, without doubt or fear (D&C 6:36).

“Am I Good Enough”

Discuss:
How can “look[ing] unto [the Savior] in every thought” remind you that you are good enough?

We might frequently find ourselves focusing our thoughts on what is wrong or negative.

Inaccurate thinking patterns may lead us to see the worst possible outcomes to a situation. These distorted thoughts cause us to feel bad about ourselves and others.

We all experience negative thoughts, but sometimes we get stuck in them and don’t see the inaccurate thinking pattern and how it is hurting our emotional health.

Activity:

Read: Read the list “Common Inaccurate Thinking Patterns,”

Step 1: Discuss the question that follows the list. Consider identifying one or two of these thinking patterns that you use most.
‍‍

Discuss
Why do we sometimes think these ways?

A trigger is something that causes an automatic reaction in our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Triggers may include things you see, think, feel, and experience.

Triggers can be impacted by your mood, the time of day, energy level, relationships, places, events, or other situations.

When your automatic reaction to a trigger is inappropriate, you can learn better ways to respond.

Activity:

‍Step 1: We have defined what triggers are and how and when you might experience them. Answer the following questions on your own; they will help you identify where, when, and with whom your triggers may happen. Then list a few triggers that occur repeatedly in your life.

Step 2: As a group, review some common triggers. Read the example and then fill out the other two triggers together. First, identify how the trigger might make you feel. Then fill out common responses and healthier alternatives.
‍

Step 3: On your own, select one of the triggers you wrote down in step 1. Write down how you feel because of the trigger. Then fill out common responses you have and healthier alternatives.

Discuss:
How can being aware of our triggers help us respond better?

After you identify your inaccurate thinking patterns, the next step is to try and change them to more accurate, truthful thoughts.

You can invite the Savior’s influence by challenging your thoughts and asking whether they are true (John 8:32).

Here are some questions you can use to challenge your inaccurate thoughts:

- Considering all the evidence, is the thought I’m having 100 percent accurate?

- Is this something the Savior would want me to think or feel?

- Is this thought all or nothing—all good or all bad, win or lose, true or false?

- Does thinking this way help me or hurt me?

- How do I feel when I have this thought?

- What do I know about myself and others that tells me this is not true?

- What would I tell my best friend or someone I respected if they thought these things?

Discuss:
Why is it important to challenge thinking errors and create more accurate thoughts?tter?

Activity:
‍
Step 1: Below is an example of how to challenge inaccurate thinking patterns. Read through the diagram as a group.

Discuss:
‍
What additional resilient thoughts could you add to the “Create More Accurate Thoughts” column in step 1?
‍

Step 2: With a partner, fill out the Thinking Management Chart below using the thinking error in the first box. Discuss how the Savior can lead us to more accurate thoughts.
‍

Step 3: On your own, think of a situation where you’ve had a thinking error. Write that thinking error in the first box. Fill in the left side of the chart with thoughts that maintain the original thinking error. Then fill out the right side with more accurate thoughts, including those the Savior might have you think.
‍

Discuss:
What can we do to remind ourselves to challenge and replace our inaccurate thinking patterns with more accurate thoughts?

Activity:

Practice healthy thinking patterns by completing the “Thinking Management Chart”

What are the most meaningful things I learned today?  (Write it down)

What will I do as a result of what I learned today?  (Write it Down)

Ponder::

What blessings have you received from having a body?

Video to Watch: God's Greatest Creation

Anyone who studies the workings of the human body has surely “seen God moving in his majesty and power” (President Russell M Nelson, God's Greatest Creation)

Behold, all these are kingdoms, and any man who hath seen any or the least of these hath seen God moving in his majesty and power. (D&C 88:47)

The many amazing attributes of your body attest to your own “divine nature” (President Russell M Nelson, God's Greatest Creation)

Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. (2 Peter 1:4)

Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? (1 Corinthians 3:16)

Your body is the temple for your spirit. And how you use your body affects your spirit. God is the Father of our spirits. We are part of His divine purpose. And when He created us physically, we were created in the image of God. (President Russell M Nelson, God's Greatest Creation)

Development of the spirit is of eternal consequence. (President Russell M Nelson, God's Greatest Creation)

When we truly know our divine nature, then we will control our appetites. We will focus our eyes on sights, our ears on sounds, and our minds on thoughts that are a credit to our physical creation as a temple of our Father in Heaven. (President Russell M Nelson, God's Greatest Creation)

Discuss:

How does having a physical body prepare us to become like our Heavenly Father?

“Because a physical body is so central to the Father’s plan of happiness and our spiritual development, Lucifer seeks to frustrate our progression by tempting us to use our bodies improperly” (David A. Bednar, “Watchful unto Prayer Continually,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 34).

“Your ultimate safety in this life lies in never taking the first enticing step toward going where you should not go and doing what you should not do. (Russell M. Nelson, in “Advice from the Prophet of the Church to Millennials Living in a Hectic World,” Feb. 18, 2018, newsroom.ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

… [As human beings we have physical appetites necessary for our survival.] These appetites are absolutely essential for the perpetuation of life. So, what does the adversary do? … He attacks us through our appetites. He tempts us to eat things we should not eat, to drink things we should not drink, and to love as we should not love!” (Russell M. Nelson, in “Advice from the Prophet of the Church to Millennials Living in a Hectic World,” Feb. 18, 2018, newsroom.ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

Discuss:

How can mistreating our body affect our emotional resilience?

19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19–20

Step 1: With a partner, think of temples you’ve seen or visited. Consider thinking of what you see, feel, smell, and touch at the temple and temple grounds.

Step 2: Together discuss some comparisons between these sacred buildings and ways we can use or treat our physical bodies as temples. Complete the chart below
‍

“The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame” (Alma 40:23)

11. “And [Jesus Christ] shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
‍
12. ...And he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:11–12)

Discuss:

How can Jesus Christ strengthen us to endure well or even overcome any physical limitation we may have?

Commit:

I will choose one way I will better treat my body like a temple.

Your loving Heavenly Father provided you with the gift of a body to house your spirit

And the spirit and the body are the soul of man. (D&C 88:15)

And the Gods formed man from the dust of the ground, and took his spirit (that is, the man’s spirit), and put it into him; and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul. (Abraham 5:7)

A healthy body is important to being emotionally resilient.

As you take better care of your physical health, your emotional health will also improve, and vice versa.

Some ways you can better care for the body Heavenly Father has given you include regular exercise, plenty of rest, personal hygiene, and healthy eating.

Regular exercise can greatly benefit your emotional health.

Physical activity stimulates your brain and releases chemicals that help with your emotions and ability to see situations clearly.

Taking time to be active can leave you feeling happier, more relaxed, and less anxious.

Physical activity can also be an opportunity to use your body and connect with family and friends in a fun, social setting.

Activity:

Step 1: On your own, consider your current circumstances. What physical activities could help your emotional health? Write your ideas below.

Step 2: Using the chart below, create a plan to do a physical activity this week and share your plan with a partner. Often, it is easier to start by doing an activity with someone else.

If you haven’t exercised for a long time; have chronic health problems such as heart disease, diabetes, or arthritis; or have other concerns, check with a medical professional before starting a new exercise plan.

The need for sleep and rest is often forgotten.

“Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill” (Jeffery R. Holland “Like a Broken Vessel,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 41).

Quality sleep can help protect your mental health, physical health, quality of life, and safety.

When you’re tired, you might find it hard to make decisions, solve problems, control your emotions and behavior, and handle change.

Rest is more than getting enough sleep.

...man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27)

Maybe you feel pressure to keep up with the fast-paced world. You may be in a phase of life that seems overwhelming, such as raising young children or caring for a sick loved one. You can also be affected by emotional challenges that cause you to feel tired and want to sleep longer than needed.

Staying in bed too long can be harmful to your mental and emotional health.

The Lord loves you and knows your unique circumstances. He can direct you to ideas and resources that will be helpful for your situation.

Discuss:

How does fatigue affect our spiritual, physical, social, and emotional well-being?

ACTIVITY:

Step 1: On your own, consider the following questions:

- In what areas of my life do I need to slow down?

- What could I do that would provide me rest?

- When could I create space in my daily routine to rest?

Step 2: With a partner, talk about what you can do to rest more.
‍

If you often sleep too much or too little, consider seeking help from a doctor.

We show respect for our bodies when we treat and talk about them positively.

Prioritizing small things like washing our hands, bathing regularly, brushing our teeth, and keeping our clothes clean will improve our health and can help us feel better about ourselves.

Discuss:

What changes do you notice in yourself when you practice good personal hygiene?

The Savior taught the Prophet Joseph Smith about healthy living in 1833 in a revelation that became known as the Word of Wisdom (see Doctrine and Covenants 89).

This revelation provides direction regarding what we should eat and drink and what we should avoid.

The Lord promises good health, stamina, protection, knowledge, and wisdom to those who obey the Word of Wisdom.

“May we care for our bodies and our minds by observing the principles set forth in the Word of Wisdom, a divinely provided plan. With all my heart and soul, I testify of the glorious blessings which await us as we do” (Thomas S. Monson “Principles and Promises,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2016, 79).

Discuss:

What are some ways we can better care for the body Heavenly Father has given us?

Make sure to drink plenty of clean water throughout the day.

Eat enough of the right food to fuel your body so you have the energy you need to accomplish your daily tasks.

In general, consider eating more vegetables, fruit, whole grains, legumes, and nuts. Also consider reducing refined sugar, salt, sweetened beverages, and saturated fat.

You may also want to talk to someone you know about your eating habits. Discuss some ways that you can better fuel your body.

As you work to live a healthier life, you may not see results right away. But you can know that you are doing your best to take care of the body God has given you.

One symptom of an eating disorder would be to focus on food and exercise to the point where you can’t concentrate on other aspects of your life.

If you find your eating habits limit your activities or impair your health, please seek medical help.

Your body experiences strong emotions

Becoming emotionally resilient requires you to acknowledge, accept, and respond to your emotions in a healthy way.

Emotions are a normal part of our mortal experience.

Sometimes your emotions may be strong, and it can be challenging to respond to them.

When you allow your emotions to decide your behaviors, you surrender to your emotions rather than using your agency to respond to your emotions.

Discuss:

How does striving to manage our emotions help us become more Christlike?

The first step in managing emotions is becoming aware of them.

One tool that can help is an emotions journal, where you can reflect on the emotions you have felt. In an emotions journal, you record the emotion you feel, the situation you were in, and the actions you took because of the emotion. Ponder these feelings and situations and then write down your thoughts. As you track your emotions, look for patterns and trends.

“Yielding to emotions such as anger or hurt or defensiveness will drive away the Holy Ghost” (Richard G. Scott “How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2012, 45).

Of course, we will all feel anger and hurt at times. Sometimes we are even justified in feeling these emotions. However, it is important for us to resolve these feelings if we want to better connect with the Lord and feel the Spirit.

“A good sense of humor helps revelation. … A sense of humor is an escape valve for the pressures of life” (Richard G. Scott “How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2012, 45).

Discuss:

How can learning to manage your emotions help you more easily feel the Spirit?

When you face challenges, you need to do all you can to take care of yourself.

Doing all you can means using the resources you have in your life to support you in whatever challenges you are facing.

ACTIVITY:

Step 1: On your own, consider the following questions:

- What do I currently do to take care of myself?

- What activities might I try to take better care of myself?

- When can I make time to take better care of myself?

Step 2: With a partner, discuss ideas you have had about ways you can take better care of yourself.

18. “And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

19. And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

20. And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

21. And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen” (Doctrine and Covenants 89:18–21).

Discuss:
‍What is one thing I will do as a result of what I learned today?

Ponder
Why is time one of Gods greatest gifts?

Video to Watch: “The Gift of Time”

Discuss
What did you learn from sister Benkosi?

“For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors.” Alma 34:32

Activity

Step 1: With a partner, read the five steps you can take each day to use your time well.

Step 2: On a separate piece of paper, list your tasks. These should be important tasks for your work, for school, for church, or for family service—not just daily chores. Pray about and prioritize your list.

Step 3: Tomorrow you should set goals, act, and report how you’ve used your time.
‍

Commit

I will practice these steps every day to use my time more wisely
I will report each night to Heavenly Father in my prayers.

Stress and anxiety are normal parts of life.

These words describe ways the brain and body respond to any demand, such as a problem at work, a test at school, or an important decision.

Normal amounts of stress and anxiety can help you focus, reach your goals, and protect your body. For example, if you have some stress about your job, you will likely come to work prepared and focused on your tasks.

Stress and anxiety help keep you alive,...

...but feeling stress and anxiety too often or for too long can cause significant problems and lead to mental illness.

If you are dealing with too much stress and anxiety, you might get sick often, have headaches, feel angry, have drastic changes in your appetite, or experience a lack of focus.

You may start to feel overwhelmed by your job, or you may not want to go to work because you fear something bad will happen or that you will not be good enough. These are signs that you are feeling distress or debilitating levels of stress and anxiety.

Stress and anxiety can impact your ability to feel the Spirit or distort your understanding of spiritual promptings.

“If we are constantly sad and if our pain blocks our ability to feel the love of our Heavenly Father and His Son and the influence of the Holy Ghost, then we may be suffering from depression, anxiety, or another emotional condition” (Reyna I Aburto “Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 57).

Discuss:

How have stress and worry helped or hurt you?

Like gauges on a car’s dashboard that remind you to slow down, get gas, or check the engine, symptoms of stress are signals to remind you to slow down, fill up your spiritual “tank,” and look for new solutions.

As you work to manage your stress effectively, it may help to categorize stress into four different levels.
‍

Think of the times when your stress level was at the green level. What helped you to feel that way?
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Stress and inaccurate thinking patterns can dominate and distort your thoughts. Your attention can wander, or you may check out and focus on anything other than what’s happening around you.

Mindfulness is a skill that will help you be more emotionally resilient. It is paying attention to what your body is telling you in the here and now.

It can help reduce stress and anxiety and increase your sense of well-being and confidence.

Mindfulness also helps you avoid being overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s happening around you.

Discuss:

What helps you focus, even when you are stressed?

Ponder:

On a scale of 1 to 10, how stressed am I feeling right now?

Activity:

In this mindfulness exercise, you will practice stillness. This activity is just one example. The facilitator will read the steps below while the class members follow along.

Step 1: Sit in a comfortable place where you can be still for a few minutes. (When doing this at home, you can either sit or lie down.) Close your eyes.

Step 2:   Begin by taking several long, slow breaths, breathing in fully through your nose and exhaling fully through your mouth. Allow your breath to find its own natural rhythm. Notice the physical sensations of your lungs expanding and contracting as you breathe in and out. If your mind wanders to other things, don’t worry; that happens. If you get distracted, just notice the types of thoughts, feelings, and sensations that distract you. Observe them without trying to control them or judge them, and simply bring your attention back to your breathing. Your breathing provides an anchor to which you can return over and over again.

Step 3: Practice being present with your breathing. Again, if your mind wanders, notice the thoughts, feelings, and sensations that distract you and allow them to flow past you like clouds in the sky. Breathe with this perspective for one minute.

Step 4: As this exercise comes to an end, slowly allow your attention to expand, and notice your body and the room around you. When you’re ready, open your eyes and come back to being fully aware of your surroundings. Remember that breathing is a tool that can help you relax and be present at any time.

Step 5: On a scale of 1 to 10, rate how stressed you feel now.

Discuss:

Did the mindfulness exercise help reduce your stress levels?

You can do the mindfulness exercise on your own at any time.

Video to Watch: Reach Up to Him in Faith

“He therefore knows our struggles, our heartaches, our temptations, and our suffering, for He willingly experienced them all as an essential part of His Atonement. And because of this, His Atonement empowers Him to succor us—to give us the strength to bear it all. … (Dallin H. Oaks “Strengthened by the Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2015, 62, 64).

“… Our Savior’s Atonement does more than assure us of immortality by a universal resurrection and give us the opportunity to be cleansed from sin by repentance and baptism. His Atonement also provides the opportunity to call upon Him who has experienced all of our mortal infirmities to give us the strength to bear the burdens of mortality. (Dallin H. Oaks “Strengthened by the Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2015, 62, 64).

He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the good Samaritan, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He will bind up our wounds and care for us (see Luke 10:34). The healing and strengthening power of Jesus Christ and His Atonement is for all of us who will ask” (Dallin H. Oaks “Strengthened by the Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2015, 62, 64).

Discuss:

How can always remembering the Savior help you better manage stress and anxiety?

Activity:

Read the following ways to manage stress and anxiety. Circle the ideas you may want to try.

1. Talk with God. Know that He understands. Imagine Him sitting close to you, listening and offering support.

2. Ponder. Reflect on times you’ve felt blessed by the Lord and seen His hand and mercy in your life. “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

3. Look at your expectations. Sometimes our greatest worries and stress come when life doesn’t turn out the way we hoped or planned. We can learn from our stressful experiences. “All these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good. … Therefore, hold on thy way” (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7, 9).

Take a short break. Take several slow, deep breaths, stretch, and relax physically. When your body and mind are calm again, you will be able to think more clearly. Take a walk, get some food or a drink, or just sit and think for a few minutes.

Be aware of when you’re stressed. Sometimes you may not realize you’re stressed. You may experience difficulty sleeping, get angry easily, feel depressed, or have low energy. Check in with yourself at least once a day to see how you are doing.

Seek out the Lord's proper principles for your situation. Many times, we find ourselves praying in desperation as if that is our only option. What we may not realize that many people have and will yet go through the same trials we are facing now and that the Lord has already provided principles that all can apply to remedy the situation. And all we need to do is seek out those principles and apply them.

Focus on gratitude. Notice what is around you. Focus for a few minutes on what is right, good, and positive about yourself and the world. Start a gratitude journal, and write at least five specific things you are grateful for each day.

Be active. We have been given a body and a world to enjoy. Make a plan to use your body to get out and enjoy these gifts. Even a few minutes of walking can help boost your mood and reduce stress.

‍Limit technology use. Using social media, computers, and TVs, especially at the start and end of the day, can increase feelings of anxiety or stress. Try starting and ending your day without phones or computers. Go a day or week without social media or TV and see how you feel.

Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself with the same kind, comforting words you would use with a loved one. Thoughts of helplessness, hopelessness, or harsh condemnation are not from God and cause more stress and anxiety.

Help someone else. Refocus your energy by serving someone else. Our ultimate goal is to love others like Christ did, even when we are struggling. Christ gave us an example of this love when He forgave His persecutors and made sure His mother would be cared for even as He suffered on the cross. As hard as it can be, we can get better perspective on our lives when we stop and think of others and look for ways to help.

Try a relaxing activity. Everyone relaxes in different ways. Maybe you enjoy painting, listening to music, reading a book, or being outside. When you are stressed or anxious, take time to remember what brings you joy and calms you. Make time to do those things, even if you think you are too busy.

Stay connected with friends and family. Being with those who love and support you can help reduce stress. You were made for connection. There is no shame in sharing what you’re going through. Help your friends and family understand what you are experiencing.

‍Take it one step at a time. You can ask yourself, “What is the most important thing I can be doing right now?” Your answer might be something like “All I need to do right now is wait for my bus” or “All I have to do right now is clean the dishes.” Decide what must get done now and what can wait. Learn to not feel guilty for saying “no” to something that can wait.

Practice mindfulness. Find ways to remind yourself to be more present throughout the day.

In the table below, individually write a few of the ideas to reduce stress and anxiety that you want to try. Make a plan for when and how you will use the technique.

Perfectionism is the belief that if we are not perfect in everything, we are a failure and not good enough for God or anyone else.

However, we know the Lord has given us weakness to help us stay humble and teachable

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:27).

“Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven—we can’t ‘earn’ it. Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own persistent self-criticism. … (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Be Ye Therefore Perfect—Eventually,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2017, 41–42).

“Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. … If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Be Ye Therefore Perfect—Eventually,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2017, 41–42).

Here are four principles for increasing self-compassion and decreasing perfectionism:

1. Become aware of perfectionism in our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

2. Challenge those thoughts, feelings, and actions.

3. Accept our mistakes as part of life, and don’t fear making mistakes.

4. Develop self-compassion; accept and love yourself, including your imperfections.

Video to Watch: Perfectionism: Will I Ever Be Good Enough

Discuss:

In the video, how did Olivia become more self-compassionate and challenge her perfectionism?

“It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Excerpts from Addresses of President Gordon B. Hinckley,” Ensign, Oct. 2000, 73).

Commit:
‍Commit to apply these principless in your life

Ponder
Why does Heavenly Father want me to take personal responsibility for my life?

Video to Watch: Of Regrets and Resolutions

Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.  Is it? (Dieter F, Uchdorf, "Of Regrets and Resolutions,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2012, 22)

I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.  I can’t see it.  (Dieter F, Uchdorf, "Of Regrets and Resolutions,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2012, 22)

Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time.  (Dieter F, Uchdorf, "Of Regrets and Resolutions,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2012, 22)

Discuss:
 
What can we learn from the Savior’s life to help us achieve a balanced life?

“See that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27).

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee” (Isaiah 41:10).

“Just do the very best you can each day. Do the basic things and, before you realize it, your life will be full of spiritual understanding that will confirm to you that your Heavenly Father   loves you. When a person knows this, then life will be full of purpose and meaning, making balance easier to maintain” (M. Russell Ballard, “Keeping Your Life in Balance,” Liahona, Sept. 2012, 50).

“Balance in large measure is knowing the things that can be changed, putting them in proper perspective, and recognizing the things that will not change” (James E. Faust, “The Need for Balance in Our Lives,” Ensign, Mar. 2000, 5).

Discuss:
 
What things can be simplified or eliminated from our lives so we can experience more joy?

“The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives” (Dallin H. Oaks,  “Good, Better, Best,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2007, 104).

Activity:
 
Step 1: On your own, think about how you live your life each week. Now imagine you are 25 years older and you are still living the same way. Complete the two statements below about your life:

1. I just didn’t spend enough time......


2. I spent too much time......


Step 2: To avoid future regrets, write one or two things you can do to bring more balance into your life.
‍

Commit
 
I will act on my idea to bring more balance to my life.

Sadness and depression are described as feelings of sorrow, unhappiness, and grief, and they are a normal part of our experience here on earth.

Sadness and depression can come through difficulties resulting from rejection, interpersonal relationships, disappointments, and other pains. They are difficult, yet essential, elements in our growth.

Heavenly Father meant for us to have painful experiences in our lives so we could ultimately experience joy more fully (Elder Bruce C. Hafen “A Willingness to Learn from Pain,” Ensign, Oct. 1983, 64, 66).

Major depressive disorder, or severe depression, is different. It is an emotional state or condition that affects our thinking, emotions, perceptions, and behaviors.

“When I speak of this, I am not speaking of bad hair days, tax deadlines, or other discouraging moments we all have. Everyone is going to be anxious or downhearted on occasion. … I am speaking of something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Like a Broken Vessel,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 40).

Major depressive disorder can occur without a clear explanation for its cause, or it can result from unhealthy reactions to painful events.

When we experience severe depression, we often feel numb or deadened to our emotions. We may have feelings of shame, self-blame, or self-hatred, all of which are likely to interfere with how we function every day.

Severe depression also interferes with our ability to deal positively with challenges as they arise.

Discuss:
 
How are sadness and depression different?

Video to Watch: Like a Broken Vessel, Part 1

Being aware of why we have these feelings can help us be more compassionate to ourselves and others.

Feelings such as sadness or depression can be caused by several things, including many of the factors below:

Discuss:

How can knowing where difficult feelings come from help us be more compassionate to ourselves and others?

The following symptoms may be signs of major depressive disorder, or clinical depression.

Symptoms of Depression

- Constantly feeling sad, helpless, hopeless, or worthless

- Little energy and motivation

- Change in appetite and weight loss or gain

- Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up

- Loss of interest in activities that used to be enjoyable

- Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions

- Thoughts about death and suicide*
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depression. Most people will experience these symptoms at times throughout their lives, but if you experience multiple symptoms for a long time, it may mean that you are experiencing deeper issues.

If three or more of these symptoms continue over a period of time, limit your ability to function, or are difficult to escape despite personal and family efforts, you should seek professional help.

Discuss

How can being aware of the symptoms of depression help us as we become more emotionally resilient? How can it help us support others?

“Like any part of the body, the brain is subject to illnesses, trauma, and chemical imbalances. (Sister Reyna I. Aburto “Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 57).

When our minds are suffering, it is appropriate to seek help from God, from those around us, and from medical and mental health professionals. … (Sister Reyna I. Aburto “Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 57).

“It is normal to feel sad or worried once in a while. Sadness and anxiety are natural human emotions. (Sister Reyna I. Aburto “Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 57).

However, if we are constantly sad and if our pain blocks our ability to feel the love of our Heavenly Father and His Son and the influence of the Holy Ghost, then we may be suffering from depression, anxiety, or another emotional condition” (Sister Reyna I. Aburto “Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 57).

Ways to Connect and Find Support
Below is a list of ideas to utilize when you need support.

‍
- Talk and listen to your Heavenly Father.

- Review the principles of the Gospel in the area you are struggling in to see if there is a disconnect somewhere

- Call a friend who is a great listener.

- Ask someone to check in with you or choose to check in with someone each day.

- Go for a walk, sit outside, or do something you love outdoors.

- Write down meaningful memories when you felt peace, joy, and love.

- Schedule a time to do something with friends or family members.

- Schedule an appointment with a licensed medical professional or mental health therapist.

- Join a support group or a social group with similar interests.

- Reach out to someone else who may be going through a hard time.

- Reach out to a suicide prevention line (see suicide.ChurchofJesusChrist.org).TBFO

Almost everyone will experience grief at some point in their lifetime, whether due to the death of a loved one or another loss or big life change such as losing a job or a relationship.

Because of the gospel, our covenants, and the knowledge that we will see our loved ones again, we may feel that we shouldn’t struggle with grief. However, this is not the case. Even the Savior wept when Lazarus died, because He loved him

35 Jesus wept.
36. Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him! (John 11:35–36).

“Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love.

It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: ‘Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die’ [Doctrine and Covenants 42:45]” (Russell . Nelson “Doors of Death,” Ensign, May 1992, 20).

Everyone will grieve differently and on a different timetable.

While grieving, most people experience the emotions listed below, although there is no specific order or time frame in which to experience them.

‍Denial: We can’t believe that this has happened. We might find ourselves in shock or pretend or forget this is happening for a time.

Anger: We may feel angry with ourselves, our loved ones, and even God. Anger is an expression of the value we place on what we have lost.

‍Bargaining: We may think we are in a bad dream and try to bargain with God to reverse things. We may ask “what if” questions, such as “What if I go to the temple every week?” in order to get a specific outcome.

Sadness: We experience profound sadness over our loss. This sadness can be powerful and overwhelming, but it is not necessarily clinical depression. It is a normal part of the grieving process.

Acceptance: Acceptance is accepting that the loss has happened. It does not mean that we are happy about the loss or that we are betraying the memory of what we have lost. We simply accept the reality of the loss so we can start to move on.

Everyone grieves differently. Some may have trouble sleeping and eating. Others may want to be with people, while others may want to be alone. Some may feel intense emotions, and others may not. Some may grieve quickly, and others may take a long time. There is no correct way to grieve.

The following suggestions may help you better understand and cope with grieving or allow you to help others who are grieving:

- Give yourself permission to feel, cry, and experience whatever you may or may not be feeling as part of the process.

- Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, get enough sleep, and try to exercise.

- Identify the feelings you are having, and acknowledge that they are normal and healthy.

- Set realistic expectations about how much time you may need, and take one step at a time.

- Recognize that feelings of happiness, joy, and peace are not disloyal to the memory of what you have lost.

- Express your thoughts and feelings by writing about your loss as well as your hope for the future.

- If these feelings become overwhelming, consider seeking help from a professional.
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You do not have to grieve alone and can turn to others in your time of need. You can find support from family, friends, Church leaders, and, most importantly, the Savior.

“When tragedies overtake us, when life hurts so much we can’t breathe, when we’ve taken a beating like the man on the road to Jericho and been left for dead, Jesus comes along and pours oil into our wounds, lifts us tenderly up, takes us to an inn, looks after us [see Luke 10:30–35]. To those of us in grief, He says, ‘I will … ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, … that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions’ [Mosiah 24:14]. Christ heals wounds” (Sharon Eubank “Christ: The Light That Shines in Darkness,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 74).

And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. (Luke 10:34)

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. (Mosiah 24:14)

As we experience grief, it can feel unbearable, and we may feel a desire to isolate ourselves from other people. However, remember that we can find support through others.

Video to Watch: Christ’s Atoning Love Heals Grieving Hearts

Discuss:

What can we learn from the story in the video about working through grief?

You may know someone who has lost a loved one, is going through a hard time, or has been diagnosed with depression or another illness. It can be hard to know what to say or do around them. You might feel embarrassed or uncomfortable showing emotion or being near someone who is showing emotions.

In the left column below are some examples of less helpful phrases you may have heard people use when trying to help someone who is grieving. In the right column are helpful phrases you could use instead.

Each person is unique and will have different needs. Even if you say all the right things, the other person may still feel upset. Being hurt and upset is a natural part of being sad or depressed. Your most important job is to show up, listen, and offer love and kindness.

Video to Watch: Like a Broken Vessel

“Though we may feel we are ‘like a broken vessel,’ … we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Like a Broken Vessel,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 42).

Commit:
What is one thing I will do as a result of what I learned today?

Ponder:

Why does Heavenly Father allow us to face problems and challenges?

Video to Watch: “A Bigger Truck”

Discuss:

What is the real problem in this story? What are some options for the two men?

7. Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.

8. But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

9. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong” (D&C 9:7–9)

“The Lord expects us to help solve our own problems. … We are thinking, reasoning human beings. We have the ability to identify our needs, to plan, to set goals, and to solve our problems” (Robert D. Hales, “Every Good Gift,” New Era, Aug. 1983, 8, 9).

Step 2: Choose a problem you are facing and write it below.


Step 3: Apply each step to your problem.
‍

And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men,   how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?” (1 Nephi 17:51)

2. Now I, Nephi, did not work the timbers after the manner which was learned by men, neither did I build the ship after the manner of men; but I did build it after the manner which the Lord had shown unto me; wherefore, it was not after the manner of men.

3. And I, Nephi, did go into the mount oft, and I did pray oft unto the Lord; wherefore the Lord showed unto me great things” (1 Nephi 18:2–3)

Discuss:

How was Nephi able to build a ship?

Commit:

I will act on the steps we discussed in the activity to work on my problem. (Remember, don’t give up. It takes time to solve problems and make changes.)

Everyone experiences anger. There are countless reasons to feel angry. We can’t always control angry feelings, and it is easy to feel justified in our anger. We may even feel better in the moment after expressing anger in aggressive ways. But expressing anger doesn’t help us feel better in the long-term, and it can result in strained relationships, physical illness, financial loss, and spiritual or even physical damage to self and others.

29. For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

30. Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (3 Nephi 11:29–30)

Ponder:

Think of a time when you felt angry; then complete the chart below.

Discuss:

How does managing anger help us become better disciples of Jesus Christ?

Physical reactions in the body increase our “emotional temperature level.” Certain behaviors can intensify our anger, so learning skills that help us “cool down” is an important part of managing anger.

Discuss:

What other things have helped you to “cool down”?

To manage your anger, identify the different emotions underlying it.

It’s often easier to be angry than to deal with your real, underlying feelings.

Underlying Emotions and Feelings

Below is a list of some underlying emotions and experiences that may result in you feeling angry.

Activity

Step 1: Read the following scenarios, and note how recognizing the underlying emotions can decrease anger.

Step 2: Think of a situation when you might feel angry. Write down the situation and a response that can “heat” anger. Then identify the underlying emotions and write down a response that can “cool” anger.

Discuss

How can prayer help us cool our anger?

It is important to understand the connection between anger and agency.

As things happen in our lives, we may feel anger, but we are able to choose how to respond to this feeling: to become angry or to become charitable, kind, and generous

Elder Lynn G. Robbins described a situation where an athletically talented young man tried out for and made it onto a sports team. On the first day of practice, the coach had the young man play against another player while the team watched. “When he missed an easy shot, he became angry and stomped and whined. The coach walked over to him and said, ‘You pull a stunt like that again, and you’ll never play for my team.’ For the next three years he never lost control again. Years later, as he reflected back on this incident, he realized that the coach had taught him a life-changing principle that day: anger can be controlled” (“Agency and Anger,” Ensign, May 1998, 80).

Discuss:

When is a time you chose not to respond in anger?

Activity

Becoming aware of when you feel anger can help you better manage your anger.

One way you can choose to respond is through humor.

“Jesus found special joy and happiness in children and said all of us should be more like them—guileless and pure, quick to laugh and to love and to forgive” (Elder Jeffery R. Holland, “This Do in Remembrance of Me,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 68–69).

Being able to laugh at yourself or find humor in a situation helps you better cope with life’s unexpected frustrations and disappointments.

Uplifting humor can help improve your attitude, relationships, and health. This kind of humor does not offend or embarrass others.

As it says in Proverbs, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine” (Proverbs 17:22).

While it’s not appropriate to laugh all the time, most people could benefit by laughing more

Discuss:

How can appropriate humor help us manage our anger?

Living in unity with Jesus Christ can help you feel peace instead of anger

The “mighty change” of heart (Alma 5:14) that comes from being unified with Jesus Christ can help you to want to forgive others, “do good continually” (Mosiah 5:2), and “wait upon the Lord” (Psalm 37:9).

The Holy Ghost will fill you with “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance” (Galatians 5:22–23).

Video to Watch: “Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light”

Discuss:
‍
How are we blessed as we turn to the Savior to manage anger?

“So many of us make a great fuss of matters of small consequence. We are so easily offended. Happy is the man who can brush aside the offending remarks of another and go on his way” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Slow to Anger,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2007, 63).

Commitment Ideas:

- Complete the “My Anger Awareness Exercise”

- Practice a “cool down” skill

- Identify the underlying emotions and experiences each time you feel angry

And again, verily I say unto you, blessed is my servant Hyrum Smith; for I, the Lord, love him because of the integrity of his heart, and because he loveth that which is right before me, saith the Lord. (D&C 124:15)

Ponder
Why does the Lord love those with “integrity of heart”?

“What Shall a Man Give in Exchange for His Soul?”

Discuss
What does it mean to have integrity? What are some small ways people give away their souls to get things in this life?

Activity
On your own, read the list below and rate how you’re doing on each one to see where you could be more honest

Activity
Why is being honest necessary to become more emotionally resilient?

Commit
I will be more honest in one of the nine areas I rated above.

Agency is a divine gift from Heavenly Father. The adversary wants to distract us and limit our ability to make good choices. One way he does this is through addictions. Someone can become addicted to many different types of behaviors or substances. These include but are not limited to alcohol, illicit drugs, pornography, sex, tobacco, food, technology, and gambling.

“What Is Addiction?”

Discuss
How do you define the word addiction?

Activity
Step 1: Some people may think they are addicted when they actually aren’t. Others may feel that nothing is wrong even though they are trapped in an addictive behavior. Read through the three levels of addictive and compulsive behaviors below (adapted from Dallin H. Oaks, “Recovering from the Trap of Pornography,” Ensign or Liahona, Oct. 2015, 32–37).

Keep in mind that these levels apply to how frequently someone engages in the addictive or compulsive pattern. That means, for example, that these levels don’t apply to something like a normal or healthy eating pattern, but they do apply to a pattern of over-eating.

Exposure. This level is where one engages in a behavior or uses a substance either by accident or just to try it out. It is important to note that accidental behavior or substance use is considered a mistake, which calls for correction rather than repentance.

Occasional use. While it may not happen daily, or even that often, the danger with any intentional use is that it always invites more. No matter how casual or infrequent the action, it will inevitably increase the desire to use the substance or engage in the behavior.

‍Intensive use. Frequent intentional use can lead to a habit, which is a pattern of behavior that becomes difficult to control and almost automatic. With habitual use, individuals experience a need for more ways to have the same reaction in order to satisfy the urge or craving.

Step 2: Read the following quote by President Oaks and then discuss the questions that follow.“If behavior is incorrectly classified as an addiction, the user may think he or she has lost agency and the capacity to overcome the problem. This can weaken resolve to recover and repent. On the other hand, having a clearer understanding of the depth of a problem—that it may not be as ingrained or extreme as feared—can give hope and an increased capacity to exercise agency to discontinue and repent” (“Recovering from the Trap of Pornography,” 34–35).

How can it be harmful to label a behavior as an addiction when it isn’t one?

How could it be harmful if you thought you weren’t addicted when you really were?
‍

Addictive and compulsive behaviors are not only a spiritual challenge but a physical one.

“Researchers tell us there is a mechanism in our brain called the pleasure center [see National Institute on Drug Abuse, Drugs, Brains, and Behavior—The Science of Addiction (2010), 18, drugabuse.gov/scienceofaddiction/sciofaddiction.pdf].
When activated by certain drugs or behaviors, it overpowers the part of our brain that governs our willpower, judgment, logic, and morality. This leads the addict to abandon what he or she knows is right” (M Russell Ballard, “O That Cunning Plan of the Evil One,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 108).

While we may be doing all that is necessary to heal spiritually from an addiction, healing may still be necessary for our body, specifically our brain. As we work on our addictive behaviors, our brains can change and heal.

“Repentance may involve an emotional and physical process. … Thus, both repentance and recovery may take considerable time. … Baptism and confirmation may not fully do away with the emotional and physical urges that go along with these behaviors. Even though a person may have some initial success, further emotional healing may be necessary to completely repent and recover” (Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Missionary Service [2018], 189).

“Why Is It So Hard to Quit?”

Discuss:
Why is it important to understand that addiction is both a physical and emotional challenge?

Although the recovery process can be difficult, the scriptures give hope that “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

Below are some general principles that can assist you, with the Lord’s help, to recover from an addictive behavior or habit.

Pray for help. You can always ask God for His help. He is there and will answer your prayer.

Find hope. Know that the Savior can heal you as you do your part.

Be honest. Addiction gains power in secrecy, but it is weakened with honesty.

Connect with others. Connection can fill needs that addiction often offsets.

Make a plan. Prayerfully consider changes you need to make, avoid difficult situations, and learn from your mistakes. Think about Moroni and the many layers of protection against the Lamanites he had his people build (see Alma 49).

‍Be accountable. Ask for help from someone you trust, make a follow-up plan together with your trusted person, and regularly review your progress.

‍Get support. You don’t have to do this alone. Speak with your family, bishop, leaders, or friends.

‍Remember that you are a child of God. Don’t define yourself by your addiction. Have compassion for yourself and others.

‍Don’t give up. Even if you slip up, no effort is wasted. It takes time to heal. Be patient with yourself.

See chapter 2, “Healthy Thinking Patterns,” for additional ideas.

“What Is Addiction Recovery?”

Tip

For more information, review additional Church resources, such as the ones that follow.

- AddressingPornography.ChurchofJesusChrist.org

- AddictionRecovery.ChurchofJesusChrist.org“

- Addiction” under the “Life Help” section of the Gospel Library app

People who struggle with an addictive behavior or habit need support and help from those around them.

If someone reaches out to you for help, thank him or her for having the courage to be honest with you and listen carefully to what he or she says.

Pray for help in keeping your emotions, such as anger, hurt, or resentment, in check.

Tell the person that you love him or her and want to help.

Encourage the individual to work with Church leaders and others who can assist.

If you believe someone you love needs help but hasn’t opened up to you, tell the person about your concern. Express your love, share your concerns, and tell of your desire to help. Even if the person rejects your offer to help, continue to show your love and don’t give up.

As your loved one tries to heal, he or she may feel discouraged and hopeless. You can provide encouragement and support by acknowledging the progress your loved one is making as well as testifying that there is still hope and the Lord loves him or her.

You can support your loved one by reinforcing his or her efforts to come unto Christ and heal. In some instances, your help can be very beneficial and even lifesaving.

However, you must be careful not to support your loved one in making poor choices or enable him or her to commit sin.

If you fall into a trap of consistently rescuing your loved one, you may hinder his or her recovery and delay your loved one from turning to the Lord for help.

Everyone’s situation is different and may require a different response. Pray for the Spirit to guide you, and consider asking others with experience or expertise for help.

Structure and rules can help someone dealing with addiction get through the recovery process.

A person involved—a parent or spouse, for example—can set and clearly communicate boundaries, make rules, and hold your loved one accountable for his or her choices, for experiencing consequences can provide your loved one with increased motivation to heal. These actions are not done to control your loved one or friend but rather to minimize the negative impact of his or her choices in your life and the lives of other loved ones around him or her.

Activity

Step 1: As a group, read the following scenario.

Jorge and Juanita have been married for 18 years and are converts to the Church. Before joining the Church, Jorge drank occasionally, with a few periods of heavy drinking, but he has been sober for many years. One day, Juanita catches Jorge drinking a beer. He denies he has a problem, minimizes the situation, and promises to quit. Juanita feels he is not being honest with her, but she drops the subject and feels uncomfortable talking to him about it. For many years, Jorge has been an active father and husband, but he has been distancing himself from his family as his drinking has increased. Secretly, Jorge wants to stop, but despite his best efforts, the situation is getting worse. He is scared to tell Juanita the truth and has not discussed anything with his bishop.

‍Step 2: Discuss with the group what responses Juanita could have. Which responses are helpful? Which responses are less helpful?

It can be devastating when someone learns that a loved one is struggling with a compulsive or addictive behavior. This person may mistakenly blame themselves, be angry, or worry that there is no hope.

A spouse, family member, or friend needs the healing power of the Savior just as much as his or her loved one who is caught up in a compulsive or addictive behavior or habit.

Below are some suggestions for the spouse, family members, and friends of someone struggling with addiction:

1. This isn’t just your loved one’s problem. It’s not fair, but it affects you too. Turn your burdens over to the Lord and seek healing for yourself.

2. Pray for help and guidance. Seek the Lord. Be around people who love you.

3. You didn’t cause the addiction, you can’t control it, and you can’t fix it. This is your loved one’s challenge.

4. Get support. Speak with others you trust and feel safe with. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

Tip:

For more information, see the Spouse and Family Support Guide or attend a spouse and family support group (AddictionRecovery.ChurchofJesusChrist.org/spouses-and-families).

“What I Know Now: Spouse”

“What I Know Now: Parent”

Ponder

What did you learn from the video that could help you?

Most addiction is preventable if you have a good understanding of yourself and the things that could entice you into addictive behaviors.

For many people, addictive patterns often start in late teen years.

Guide

The principles in the following chart can help prevent addiction.
‍

“Adolescent Addiction?”

Ponder

Think about yourself or someone you care about. Which of the principles in the video and in the chart would you like to incorporate in this relationship? Consider sharing your plan with your action partner.

“Save for the exception of the very few who defect to perdition, there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. That is the promise of the atonement of Christ” (Boyd K. Packer, “The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 20).

Commitment Ideas:

-Support someone you love with a change he or she is trying to make (see section).

- Pray for help with a habit you are trying to change.

- Choose a behavior to work on and set healthy limits.

Ponder
When has Heavenly Father answered my prayers?

Video to Watch:  “Creating Lift”

In order to get an airplane off the ground, you must create lift.  In aerodynamics, lift happens when air passes over the wings of an airplane in such a way that the pressure underneath the wing is greater than the pressure above the wing. When the upward lift exceeds the downward pull of gravity, the plane rises from the ground and achieves flight. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Prayer and the Blue Horizon,” Ensign or Liahona, June 2009, 5–6.)

In a similar way, we can create lift in our spiritual life. When the force that is pushing us heavenward is greater than the temptations and distress that drag us downward, we can ascend and soar into the realm of the Spirit. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Prayer and the Blue Horizon,” Ensign or Liahona, June 2009, 5–6.)

There are many gospel principles that help us to achieve lift, (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Prayer and the Blue Horizon,” Ensign or Liahona, June 2009, 5–6.)

Prayer is one of the principles of the gospel that provides lift. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Prayer and the Blue Horizon,” Ensign or Liahona, June 2009, 5–6.)

Prayer has the power to elevate us from our worldly cares. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Prayer and the Blue Horizon,” Ensign or Liahona, June 2009, 5–6.)

Prayer can lift us up through clouds of despair or darkness into a bright and clear horizon. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Prayer and the Blue Horizon,” Ensign or Liahona, June 2009, 5–6.)

One of the greatest blessings and privileges and opportunities we have as children of our Heavenly Father is that we can communicate with Him through prayer. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Prayer and the Blue Horizon,” Ensign or Liahona, June 2009, 5–6.)

We can speak to Him of our life experiences, trials, and blessings. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Prayer and the Blue Horizon,” Ensign or Liahona, June 2009, 5–6.)

We can listen for and receive celestial guidance from the Holy Spirit at any time and at any place. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Prayer and the Blue Horizon,” Ensign or Liahona, June 2009, 5–6.)

Discuss
Why is listening an essential part of prayer?

“I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart” (D&C 8:2)

“Your soul will be blessed as you learn to listen, then listen to learn from children, parents, partners, neighbors, and Church leaders, all of which will heighten capacity to hear counsel from on high” (Russell M. Nelson, “Listen to Learn,” Ensign, May 1991, 24).

Discuss
How can we learn to better recognize answers to our prayers?

Resource
‍
Step for Listening

“Our Heavenly Father hears the prayers of His children across the earth pleading for food to eat, for clothes to cover their bodies, and for the dignity that would come from being able to provide for themselves” (Henry B. Eyring, “Opportunities to Do Good,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2011, 22).

“We must ask for help from our Heavenly Father and seek strength through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ. In both temporal and spiritual things, [this] enables us to become provident providers for ourselves and others” (Robert D. Hales, “Becoming Provident Providers Temporally and Spiritually,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2009, 7–8).

Commit

I will pray individually and with my family each morning and night. I will spend time after each prayer reverently listening for guidance.

As we develop loving relationships with others, our physical, emotional, and spiritual health is strengthened.

Heavenly Father wants us to love Him and those around us. Our

Our family and friends love us and can provide the support, encouragement, and honest feedback we need to successfully cope with life’s challenges.

The adversary wants to isolate us from others and wants for us to feel deprived of the blessings that come from relationships.

‘friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of “Mormonism”’ (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith (2007), 463)

That thought ("friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of “Mormonism"), ought to inspire and motivate all of us because I feel that friendship is a fundamental need of our world. I think in all of us there is a profound longing for friendship, a deep yearning for the satisfaction and security that close and lasting relationships can give” (Marlin K. Jensen, “Friendship: A Gospel Principle,” Ensign, May 1999, 64).

Discuss
What benefits have you seen from close and loving relationships?

When building relationships, we must take the initiative to reach out to others and be tolerant of differences.

We can build relationships through “small and simple” means (Alma 37:6)

Taking time to create quality relationships matters more than the quantity.

We will find that we get more joy in life as we develop close relationships with a few people we trust rather than having many superficial relationships.

There’s nothing wrong with having a lot of friends, but we should not assume having more friends equals happiness.

Become genuinely interested in other people.

Learn what other people love or enjoy. You don’t have to have the same interests, but you can learn to care about what they are interested in.

Smile.

Happiness does not depend on what is happening around you but rather on how you respond to your circumstances. Smiles are free to give and can be a great way of making others feel better.

Remember people’s names.

A person’s name is the most important sound to him or her, whether the person realizes it or not. Learning someone’s name can help that person feel valued and important.

Be a good listener.

Encourage others to talk about themselves. People feel appreciated when someone listens to them. The easiest way to have someone want to talk to you is to become a good listener. To be a good listener, you must genuinely care about what others have to say.

Try sincerely to make others feel important.

The golden rule is to treat other people how you would like to be treated. People like to feel important—like what they say or do matters to others. You can do your best to help people feel important by practicing the ideas listed here.

“We build this relationship [with others] one person at a time—by being sensitive to the needs of others, serving them, and giving of our time and talents. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Of Things That Matter Most,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 22)

I was deeply impressed by one sister who was burdened with the challenges of age and illness but decided that although she couldn’t do much, she could listen. And so each week she watched for people who looked troubled or discouraged, and she spent time with them, listening. What a blessing she was in the lives of so many people” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Of Things That Matter Most,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 22)

Ponder
Think about someone with whom you can build a stronger relationship. Consider the ideas earlier in this section and the counsel in President Uchtdorf’s words, and write down ways you can apply what you learn to build this relationship.

Everyone makes judgments about situations and people, including the actions of family members.

President Uchtdorf explained, “When we feel hurt, angry, or envious, it is quite easy to judge other people, often assigning dark motives to their actions in order to justify our own feelings of resentment” (“The Merciful Obtain Mercy,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2012, 70)

“Seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged” (Moroni 7:18)

Discuss

How does being understanding and less judgmental influence our happiness?

We can remember the Savior’s example of compassion for others when we are tempted to judge or criticize. “When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time” (Henry B. Eyring, “Try, Try, Try,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2018, 90)

Activity

Below are some thoughts that can help us be more understanding when we are tempted to be judgmental. As a group, take turns reading the following statements and discuss any thoughts you have.

- “They are also a child of God.”

- “They are probably doing the best they can.”

- “I don’t know their situation.”

- “They could be going through a major trial.”

- “We are more similar than different.”

- “I don’t know everything.”

- “Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.”

- “The Savior loves them as much as He loves me.”
‍

Discuss

Imagine you see a parent with four small children. The children are loud and are annoying you and those around them. The parent appears to be unaware and distracted, oblivious to how much the behavior of the children is affecting those around them. After some time, the parent speaks harshly to the children, telling them to be quiet.

Discuss what a judgmental response would be. Come up with compassionate explanations for why the parent could be acting this way. What could you do to be more understanding and less judgmental?

Disagreements and differences with others are a natural part of relationships. This can happen because of differences in values, opinions, perceptions, motivations, desires, and ideas. Learning to address these differences in a healthy way can strengthen your relationships with others and help you develop empathy and patience.

Healthy conflict resolution is likely to occur when individuals feel safe and valued.

Though differences are normal, they do not have to lead to contention. It is contention during a conflict that causes a problem.

When personal differences occur, you may have difficulty clearly communicating your side without escalating the conflict.

Using “I” messages can help you state your concerns, feelings, and needs in a manner that is easier for the listener to hear and understand.

An “I” message focuses on your own feelings and experiences rather than your perspective of what the other person has done or failed to do.

The first part of an “I” message identifies and expresses your own feelings, which is critical in addressing conflict or disagreement. It helps to lessen defensive feelings and makes it easier to listen to one another.

Discuss

What are the differences between the “you” and “I” messages?

Activity

Step 1: On your own, think about some of the negative “you” messages you may say when you are upset with another person.

Step 2: Write “I” messages to rephrase the negative “you” messages and make them more positive.

Step 3: Pair up with another person, and if you feel comfortable doing so, share what you wrote. Discuss why the “I” message would be more effective.

When you take time to communicate your feelings to someone, you might assume it is the other person’s responsibility to follow through on fulfilling your desires. But even when you communicate your feelings to others, your feelings and desires are still your responsibility.

When your “I” message doesn’t produce the desired result, you can act lovingly to create the outcome you want instead of becoming resentful.

“Whatever problems your family is facing, whatever you must do to solve them, the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ. Without this love, even seemingly perfect families struggle. With it, even families with great challenges succeed” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “In Praise of Those Who Save,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2016, 80)

Video to Watch: “Enduring Love”

Ponder
Who do you know that could benefit from your charity? Why?

The Lord has given us counsel about developing relationships through the inspired document “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” It teaches that successful relationships are “established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

Activity
Step 1: On your own, think of the person you identified in the “Ponder” tool #126 above.

Step 2: Considering the relationship guidance from “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” what will you do to strengthen your relationship with that person?

“Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God” (1 John 4:7)

Commitment Ideas:

- Practice using “I” messages this week

- Focus on being more charitable in one of my relationships.

- Choose one way to be more present in a relationship.

Ponder
How does losing myself in the service of others actually save me?

“In the Lord's Way”

The principles at the foundation of the Church welfare program are not for only one time or one place. They are for all times and all places. … (Adapted from an address given by President Eyring at the dedication of the Sugarhouse Utah Welfare Services Center, June 2011, ChurchofJesusChrist.org)

… The way it is to be done is clear. Those who have accumulated more are to humble themselves to help those in need. (Adapted from an address given by President Eyring at the dedication of the Sugarhouse Utah Welfare Services Center, June 2011, ChurchofJesusChrist.org)

Those in abundance are to voluntarily sacrifice some of their comfort, time, skills, and resources to relieve the suffering of those in need. (Adapted from an address given by President Eyring at the dedication of the Sugarhouse Utah Welfare Services Center, June 2011, ChurchofJesusChrist.org)

And the help is to be given in a way that increases the power of the recipients to care for themselves and then care for others. (Adapted from an address given by President Eyring at the dedication of the Sugarhouse Utah Welfare Services Center, June 2011, ChurchofJesusChrist.org)

Done in this, the Lord’s way, something remarkable can happen. Both the giver and the receiver are blessed. (Adapted from an address given by President Eyring at the dedication of the Sugarhouse Utah Welfare Services Center, June 2011, ChurchofJesusChrist.org)

Brothers and sisters, we each have a covenant responsibility to be sensitive to the needs of others and serve as the Savior did—to reach out, bless, and uplift those around us. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Waiting on the Road to Damascus,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2011, 76)

Often, the answer to our prayer does not come while we’re on our knees but while we’re on our feet serving the Lord and serving those around us. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Waiting on the Road to Damascus,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2011, 76)

Selfless acts of service and consecration refine our spirits, remove the scales from our spiritual eyes, and open the windows of heaven. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Waiting on the Road to Damascus,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2011, 76)

By becoming the answer to someone’s prayer, we often find the answer to our own. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Waiting on the Road to Damascus,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2011, 76)

Discuss
How can serving others open the windows of heaven in your life?

Some feel that they deserve what others already have, which can cause resentment. Others feel entitled to things they have not earned. These two traps blind people from seeing an essential truth: all things belong to God. Resentment and entitlement can be overcome by focusing on the needs of others.

“When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17).

“And now, for the sake of … retaining a remission of your sins from day to day, … I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants” (Mosiah 4:26).

“When you are united, your power is limitless. You can accomplish anything you wish to accomplish” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Your Greatest Challenge, Mother,” Ensign, Nov. 2000, 97).

Activity

Step 1: Think of someone who needs help.

‍Step 2: Discuss the talents, contacts, and resources you have to offer.

Step 3: Make a plan to serve that person.

“The purpose of both temporal and spiritual self-reliance is to get ourselves on higher ground so that we can lift others in need” (Robert D. Hales, “Coming to Ourselves: The Sacrament, the Temple, and Sacrifice in Service,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2012, 36).

“When we work together cooperatively, … we can accomplish anything. When we do so, we eliminate the weakness of one person standing alone and substitute the strength of many serving together” (Thomas S. Monson, “Church Leaders Speak Out on Gospel Values,” Ensign, May 1999, 118).

Commit
I will act on the plan I made to serve someone.

The Lord has asked us to minister to those around us.

The story of Alma and Amulek is instructive. Alma realized that Amulek was truly suffering emotionally, and he personally took him “to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord” (Alma 15:18)

Ponder
How have people helped you be “strengthened … in the Lord”?

Discuss
What are ways that we can strengthen others in the Lord?

Regardless of your best intentions, it is easy to say things that are not very helpful while trying to help someone through difficult times. But this should not scare you away from continuing to try to be helpful.

God wants you to love and help His children. Be sensitive to the feelings of those you are trying to help, taking care not to say or do anything that minimizes their pain and difficulty.

Activity

Read the statements that follow. The statements are examples of things you might say if you were trying to help someone who is going through a difficult time. Evaluate each statement to determine whether it minimizes what the person is going through or offers empathy and support. Write an “X” in the “Helpful” column or the “Not Helpful” column to indicate your response.

Discuss
What are other phrases you’ve heard that are helpful or not helpful?

“Even if we do not know how to relate to what others are going through, validating that their pain is real can be an important first step in finding understanding and healing” (Sister Reyna I. Aburto “Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 58).

To validate people’s feelings means to first accept their feelings and then to understand them.

Resource
Below are some steps to help you validate someone who is facing a challenge:

‍Listen. Be present and listen intently to what the person is telling you. Don’t be defensive if you have contributed to the person’s problem.

‍Try to understand. You may need to ask compassionate questions to better understand what this person is feeling. Do your best to understand where the person is coming from.

Accept the person’s feelings. Don’t try to change the person or say he or she is wrong for feeling this way. As you do this, be careful not to encourage unhealthy or harmful thinking patterns.

Express compassion. Express that you care about what the person is feeling. Even if you can’t relate to the situation or the cause of the feeling, you can validate the person’s feelings by saying things like “You feel disrespected [or anxious, hopeless, worthless, angry, and so on]. It’s hard to feel that way.”

Show love. Tell this person that you care about them and that you are confident in his or her ability to solve or overcome the problem.
‍

Example

Here is an example of how you could validate someone going through a hard time:

Jill is a single mother whose son recently died from a drug overdose. She lives alone and doesn’t have family nearby. Maria came by to talk to her and ask her how she was doing. Maria was tempted to interrupt Jill, but she didn’t. She just listened. When she felt it was appropriate, she asked questions like “How are you feeling right now?” and “What is the most challenging thing for you?” Instead of saying, “At least he’s with God now,” she understood that Jill just missed her son. Maria decided to express empathy by saying, “I can tell that you miss him so much, and my heart is breaking with you.” She then showed love by sitting and crying with her.

Activity

Step 1: Read the situations below of individuals going through difficult times.

- Someone who has been looking for employment for over six months.

- A new parent who is struggling with anxiety.

- A person who has been dealing with a chronic illness for over 20 years.

- A neighbor who disagrees with his or her family member.

- A single parent of three who is newly divorced.

- 8A returned missionary who is now struggling with his or her faith.

Step 2: Discuss some things you could say that might be helpful to these individuals.

Step 3: Practice validating someone else’s feelings in one-on-one situations by talking with a partner about something he or she is dealing with. Look for ways to validate that person’s feelings. Then switch roles. When you’re done, discuss which validating statements were helpful to you and why.
‍

Heavenly Father has given everyone the gift of agency, and individuals are responsible for their own choices regardless of the help you offer.

As you reach out to others, remember that you are not responsible for solving their problems or controlling the choices they make.

It is important to set your own healthy boundaries while helping others.

The Savior wants you to honor your loved ones’ agency, but that doesn’t necessarily mean standing by passively. Seek the Spirit in helping you understand how you can serve others in ways that honor their agency and that don’t make others feel unheard.

The following are ideas for things you might do in addition to validating feelings and listening:

- Fast and pray for them.

- Consecrate your time in the temple on their behalf.

- Seek professional help and advice.

- Research emotional health.

- Send notes of encouragement, or share humorous messages to make them smile.

- Seek priesthood blessings and counsel.

- Join a support group for family and friends.

- Make yourself available to them while maintaining healthy boundaries.

- Serve them in ways they ask for or agree to—ways that don’t violate their agency or make them feel unheard.
‍

Discuss:
Share an uplifting experience you had while being strengthened or while providing strength to others.

Caring for loved ones can be hard and overwhelming. As you seek to care for those in need, try to be understanding and avoid passing judgment.

You can take counsel from the scriptures and “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that [you] may be filled with this love,” which is charity, or the love of Christ (Moroni 7:48).

If you have a loved one with emotional health issues, you may often be so focused on taking care of that person that you forget to take care of yourself.

There is help and support for you. Support groups can help family members learn about health problems, ways to help, and strategies for coping with symptoms. Reach out to trusted friends and health-care professionals for help for yourself and your loved one. The support of family and friends can have a positive impact on treatment of serious social and emotional health issues.

“For caregivers, in your devoted effort to assist with another’s health, do not destroy your own. In all these things be wise. Do not run faster than you have strength [Mosiah 4:27]. Whatever else you may or may not be able to provide, you can offer your prayers and you can give ‘love unfeigned’ [Doctrine and Covenants 121:41]” (Jeffrey R.Holland, “Like a Broken Vessel,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 41).

Discuss
What has helped you balance taking care of others and yourself?

“I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally ‘free at last.’ Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show ‘compassion one of another’ [1 Peter 3:8]” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Like a Broken Vessel,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 42).

Ponder
What is one thing I will do as a result of what I learned today?

Ponder:
What are some of the things that matter most to you?

Doing What Matters Most

Of course, the malfunctioning light bulb didn’t cause the accident; it happened because the crew placed its focus on something that seemed to matter at the moment while losing sight of what mattered most. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf “We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2009, 59, 60.)

The tendency to focus on the insignificant at the expense of the profound happens not only to pilots but to everyone. We are all at risk. … (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf “We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2009, 59, 60.)

Are your thoughts and heart focused on those short-lived fleeting things that matter only in the moment or on things that matter most? (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf “We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2009, 59, 60.)

Discuss:
What insignificant things distract us from progressing? How can gospel ordinances help us?

“In the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest” (D&C 84:20)

TBFO

“We would do well to study the 109th section of the Doctrine and Covenants and to follow President [Howard W.] Hunter’s admonition ‘to establish the temple of the Lord as the great symbol of [our] membership’” (Quentin L. Cook, “See Yourself in the Temple,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2016, 99)

“The end for which each of us strives is to be endowed with power in a house of the Lord, sealed as families, faithful to covenants made in a temple that qualify us for the greatest gift of God—that of eternal life. (Russell M. Nelson, “As We Go Forward Together,” Ensign, Apr. 2018, 7).

The ordinances of the temple and the covenants you make there are key to strengthening your life, your marriage and family, and your ability to resist the attacks of the adversary. (Russell M. Nelson, “As We Go Forward Together,” Ensign, Apr. 2018, 7).

Your worship in the temple and your service there for your ancestors will bless you with increased personal revelation and peace and will fortify your commitment to stay on the covenant path” (Russell M. Nelson, “As We Go Forward Together,” Ensign, Apr. 2018, 7).

Discuss:
How could temple worship and family history work increase our emotional resilience?

“The Lord will bless us as we attend to the sacred ordinance work of the temples. Blessings there will not be limited to our temple service. We will be blessed in all of our affairs” (Boyd K. Packer, The Holy Temple (1980), 182)

“And that they may grow up in thee, and receive a fullness of the Holy Ghost, and be organized according to thy laws, and be prepared to obtain every needful thing” (D&C 109:15)

“And when thy people transgress, any of them, they may speedily repent and return unto thee, and find favor in thy sight, and be restored to the blessings which thou hast ordained to be poured out upon those who shall reverence thee in thy house” (D&C 109:21)

“And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them” (D&C 109:22)

“We ask thee, Holy Father, … that no weapon formed against them shall prosper” (D&C 109:24–25)

Discuss:
On your own, ponder, “What do I need to change in my life to participate in temple ordinances more often?”

Commit:
I will set a date to attend the temple if I have a temple recommend. If I do not have a temple recommend, I will set a meeting with my bishop or branch president to renew my recommend or discuss how I can prepare to receive my temple ordinances.

In the strength of the Lord and through His grace, we can be blessed to do, endure, and overcome all things.

Activity
Step 1: Assess your level of overall improvement in each of the following categories by checking the box next to the areas where you feel you have improved during this course.

Caring for my physical health

Managing my thoughts

Managing feelings of stress and anxiety

Managing feelings of sadness and depression

Managing feelings of anger

Building healthy relationships

Managing my emotions

Expressing gratitude

Providing strength to others

Being emotionally resilient

Feeling spiritually strengthened

Step 2: Write down three ways you have improved your emotional resilience during this course.

Step 3: When you started to read and study these principles, you identified a personal change you wanted to make. Take a moment to answer the questions below about that change.

What was the personal change you wanted to make?

What went well with your efforts?

What challenges did you face?

What’s your plan moving forward?

Setbacks are a normal part of life and an expected part of any efforts to change.

Your setbacks can teach you ways to continue your progression.

When you face setbacks, it is helpful to focus on improvement and not perfection.

“None of us are perfect. Sometimes we get stuck. We get distracted or discouraged. We stumble. But if we look to Jesus Christ with a repentant heart, He will lift us up, cleanse us from sin, forgive us, and heal our hearts. He is patient and kind; His redeeming love never ends and never fails” (Elder Kim B. Clark, “Look unto Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 56)

“Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all” (Psalm 34:19)

By turning to the Savior when you experience setbacks, you can develop a perspective of progress rather than perfection.TBFO

One way to deal with setbacks is to compare them to taking a trip. For example, imagine you are traveling to a neighboring town. On your way, you experience a flat tire. Do you start your trip from the beginning to fix the tire? No. You find a way to fix it where you are and continue your journey. Similarly, when you experience a setback, you may feel like all your progress is erased and you have to start over, but that is not true. You can find ways to fix the problem where you are and move forward. Additionally, setbacks can even show you places you may need to improve.

Discuss
What have you learned from your own setbacks?

In mortality we must learn to live with challenges and afflictions.

We may strongly desire to be free from emotional challenges and strive for perfection, but even with our best efforts, symptoms of emotional challenges remain.

But we don’t have to give up. We must learn to live with these challenges as we move forward with faith. Doing so will help us feel peace and be more resilient.

“There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!” (Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Continue in Patience,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2010, 57).

Come What May and Love It!

Discuss
What counsel from this video can you apply to your life?

“Set short-term goals that you can reach. Set goals that are well balanced—not too many nor too few, and not too high nor too low. Write down your attainable goals, and work on them according to their importance. Pray for divine guidance in your goal setting” (President M. Russell Ballard , “Keeping Life’s Demands in Balance,” Ensign, May 1987, 14)

President Heber J. Grant often said, “That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing itself has changed, but that our power to do is increased” (author and source unknown)

Activity

Step 1: You may want to continue making progress on your current changes and goals, or you may consider choosing a different goal to improve your emotional resilience. Take a moment to write your current or new goal below. As you do, remember President Ballard’s counsel on goals

Step 2: Answer the questions below.

- What skills have I learned that I can apply to this goal?

- What personal strengths and resources can I draw on?

- What steps will I take to achieve this goal?

- Who can I be accountable to?

- Who can support me in this goal?

“Our business in life is not to get ahead of others but to get ahead of ourselves. To break our own record, to outstrip our yesterdays by today, to bear our trials more beautifully than we ever dreamed we could, to give as we never have given, to do our work with more force and a finer finish than ever—this is the true objective” (Thomas S. Monson, “The Lighthouse of the Lord: A Message to the Youth of the Church,” Ensign, Feb. 2001, 5)

Discuss
How is goal-setting a part of God’s plan for us?

“The Savior’s Atonement gives us life for death, ‘beauty for ashes,’ healing for hurt, and perfection for weakness. It is heaven’s antidote to the obstacles and struggles of this world. (Tad R. Callister, “The Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 87).

“In the Savior’s final week of mortality, He said, ‘In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world’ [John 16:33]. Because the Savior performed His Atonement, there is no external force or event or person—no sin or death or divorce—that can prevent us from achieving exaltation, provided we keep God’s commandments. With that knowledge, we can press forward with good cheer and absolute assurance that God is with us in this heavenly quest” (Tad R. Callister, “The Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 87).

The Lord wants to comfort and support us. He has promised, “Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers” (D&C 112:10)

The following are a few ways you can seek divine help:

- Forgive yourself and others.

- Pray with faith, humility, and gratitude.

- Feast upon the scriptures and teachings of living prophets.

- Attend the temple.

- Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy.

- Partake of the sacrament, and always remember the Savior.

- Realize that having and asking questions is an important part of receiving revelation.

- Remember the Savior wants to help you with your goals.
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God doesn’t want us to go through our trials alone. It is often through another person that He meets our needs. God has and will put people into our lives to help us and support us during our trials. Places we can turn to for help include:

- Family and trusted friends
- Church leaders and ministering sisters or brothers
- Community resources
- Professional help

It’s hard to know whether or not to seek professional help. The following situations are warning signs that might indicate a need for professional help.

- You suffer from persistent feelings of overwhelming anger, sadness, fear, emotional pain, or hopelessness. Regardless of what you do, these feelings remain and are often mentally and physically debilitating.

- Despite the feelings sometimes coming and going, the issues have continued for many months.

- You feel physically incapacitated, and your appetite and sleep patterns change.

- You have an uncontrollable sense of worry and anxiety.

- You contemplate harming yourself or others.

- Your ability to function on a day-to-day basis is affected, limiting your productivity.

If you are experiencing some of these warning signs and are worried about your health, talk to a health-care professional or someone you trust.

Many of the principles taught cannot be accomplished in 10 weeks. However, you may have developed some habits that can help you progress toward greater emotional resilience. Review these principles often and practice them and the tools provided.

“For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee” (Isaiah 41:13)

Commitment Ideas:

- Seek appropriate help for support.

- Practice responding to triggers in healthy ways.

- Learn what resources are available in your community.